Monday, July 27, 2009

The New Engrish

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"
Guest: "Uh.... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow July den?"
Guest: ".....What??"

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"
Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
Guest: "I.... don't think so."

RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"
Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RoomService: "We bodder?"
Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RoomService: "Wad?!?"
Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

RoomService: "Copy?"
Guest: "Excuse me?"

RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"
Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"
Guest: "Whatever you say."

RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."
Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' "......and you do, don't you!

A big H/T to Judge Al (retired cop).


Easily Lost said...

I laughed through the whole thing, but was ready to cry also. It reminds me way too much of what most customer service people sound like when I call.

Anonymous said...

The motels The Ol' Lady runs here used to be owned by Hinjews*, so all I had to do was put that accent to the words in my head and I understood it perfectly from the git go...

BTW, we're 100% AMERICAN owned and staffed now, so if anybody happens to be passing thru and needs a nice, clean place to flop at a good price, check us out at Townhouse Inns in Cape Girardeau and Jackson, MO.

*A person from India who makes mad cash or has mad cash but refuses to spend a dime of it

"Adi is a Hinjew who returns $3 pencils for $2 pencils, because that $1 means alot to the rich bastard."