Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Argentine Musings

Gov. Sanford needs to drink a great big cup of STFU. Like a two liter bottle - and not diet STFU, but straight up STFU.

He claims to be trying to patch things up with his wife but he keeps on shooting off his mouth about his soufuvdaborder cha-cha. How she is his "soul mate," that this was not merely a frolic , but a love story:

Sanford insisted his relationship with Maria Belen Chapur, whom he met at an open air dance spot in Uruguay eight years ago, was more than just sex.

"This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story," Sanford said. "A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day."

What was he thinking? "Oh gee, if my pissed off, humiliated wife could only know how much I love this other woman, well, maybe she'll take me back?"

But it gets even better. Not satisfied with rubbing his wife's face in one relationship, he decides to make things even spicer by admitting that -

he "crossed the lines" with a handful of other women during 20 years of marriage, but not as far as he did with his mistress.

"There were a handful of instances wherein I crossed the lines I shouldn't have crossed as a married man, but never crossed the ultimate line," he said.

What's the ultimate line with these women? Wearing their underwear? Screwing their husbands? What is this mysterious line of demarcation whence he transports himself into handfuls of crossings?

It's like Obama spending our way into prosperity, or Bill Clinton getting sucked into marital fidelity. These idiots just don't get it.

Don't Even Breath It

That unfunny, incompetent idiot in Minnesota is now a Senator. Don't even mention that lying asshole's name.

Hey, It's An Award

I am not sure what this means. Either someone peeled a banana and got hit with a hammer or they got into an scrap with a honest carpenter and got the daylights beat out of them. In any event I have to acknowledge the award from Subvet (thank you!) and then write ten honest things about myself.

I am a standard issue guy, not many frills and prone to repairs after I hit 75,000 miles.

1) I was divorced in my early twenties and remarried at age 32. My first is on her fourth.
2) I have a daughter from my first marriage and three daughters from my second marriage.
3) I think my boy nut is dead.
4) I like steak and potatoes and cornonacob. I had some last night, yummmm.
5) I do not have any allergies.
6) I am Baptist now, formerly Catholic.
7) I am named after my grandfather.
8) On second thought, my boy nut may just be gay.
9) I do not have much patience.
11) I do not count very well.

Monday, June 29, 2009

The Other White Meat

At about $1.30/pound on the paw, cat is a real bargain for Chinese families. Until some PETA derivative spoils everything.

ANIMAL activists in Shanghai have rescued 300 cats from a dealer who had bought the allegedly stolen pets for sale to restaurants in southern China, state media reported.

The activists, acting on a tip from a cat lover, found 22 bamboo cages full of cats in a freight yard, from where they were to be shipped to Guangdong province, the Shanghai Daily reported today.

Gives new meaning to the Meow Mix brand, doesn't it? Chopped Calico, Manx and Siamese all in one delicious serving.

Eating cat meat is a tradition in many parts of China, especially in southern regions, where some restaurants specialise in preparing the dishes, according to Chinese media reports.

Southern fried cat - four drumsticks, double the pleasure. This might spin off a whole new line of baking products: Shake N'Purr or Angora Helper.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Getting Tired

As a professional I am driven to succeed by a strong ethical motivation.

As a taxpayer, I am ridden to ruination by a bunch of worthless parasites too lazy to fend for themselves.

Soon every hardworking taxpayer will be supporting ten or eleven deadbeats.
I feel just like this...

Go ahead, count 'em.

Rednecks Everywhere

What's the real difference between Arkansas and, say, Oman?
Just the packing.
The drivers all have the same amount of teeth.
These pictures say it all.

Liberal Children's Library

Here are some of the books now recommended by Nancy Pelosi and the House Select Committee on Creating Future Democrats and the House Health Care Caucaus.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Obviously Not A Well Paying Position

Some idiot in some loser-liberal-inspired do nothing, means nothing, worth nothing position at Loser U. has offered to sell his five year old son for sex over the internet. And where is Loser U? Why, it's Duke University, the same paragon of virtue, the same bastion of racial equity that tried to railroad their own lacrosse team.

DURHAM (WTVD) -- The FBI says a Duke University official offered his 5-year-old adopted son for sex over the internet.

Frank M. Lombard, 42, now faces federal charges. He is an associate director of the Health Inequalities Program at Duke's Center for Health Policy.

Investigators say they learned of Lombard's alleged activities through an informant who is also facing sex charges.

According to an arrest warrant, Lombard made the child sex offer to a member of the Washington D.C. Metropolitan Police working with the Northern Virginia Regional Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force during an online chat session.

AssociateDirectorofHealthInequitiesProgram now what in hell is that? Sounds like an Obama-inspired ACORN-encrusted BS no show job. But he sure had enough time on his hands to dream up an interesting entrepreneurial experiment

The warrant says Lombard lives in Durham with a gay partner, and that he has two adopted children.

It says he told the investigator "he could not molest the adopted 5-year-old child when his partner was around, however the partner was leaving for a four-day business trip the next day, which would allow him the ability to molest the child just as he did the last time his partner had left town."

The warrant goes on to say that Lombard admitted to drugging the child with Benadryl during the molestation. It also goes into graphic detail about the molestation - including accusations Lombard performed oral sex on the child.

The police yanked the two kids; guess how long before the kids are right back with this animal? Guess how much play this will get in the MSM as it involves the molestion of a child by a protected class of pervert?

They Did It

The House of Representatives just crapped all over every American taxpayer. The cap and trade penalty bill didn't pass by much but pass it did.

If you are concerned as I am about the future of this country, perhaps you can draw a little comfort from the words of Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe :

"Between the years of 1998 and 2005, I was the only member of the United States Senate who would take on what I call ‘the Hollywood elitists’ and the United Nations on this hoax called global warming and I went through seven years of purgatory on that issue.

“But now I’ve been redeemed and the vast majority of the scientific community has now said Inhofe’s right and the United Nations is wrong and those individuals … have now said ‘no, the science is not there and these are natural cycles.”

Inhofe promises that this bill will die in the Seante. The Democrats dod not have enough votes to break an anticipated filibuster by the Republicans, but he also said that:

all the hubbub in the House was over Pelosi’s desire to attend a conference in Copenhagen and be able to stand up and say, “Oh, we’ve passed this out of the House and we’re going to lead the way in America but it’s not going to pass the Senate.”

[...]“MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) and the Wharton School of Economics came out with an analysis of what this is. They said that the range is between $330 and $350 billion a year. That translates in Oklahoma to $3,200 per family. Everyone who’s reading this story right now, that would be a tax increase of over $3,000 per family. I can give you all the documentation on that.”

Hopefully what Inhofe says will come to pass.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Finally! Obama's Birth Certificate!

I can't believe it! After months and months of denials and spending nearly a million dollars in legal fees, Barack Obama has finally released his birth certificate!

This document finally puts to rest all the stories and rumors about his birth place and allows us all to move forward.

There are other important issues that concern us about the 44th President and we can concentrate on these now that this distraction is finally settled once and for all.

In order to promulgate healthy public discourse and unite us in political comity, I have attached a digital copy of Obama's official birth certificate as provided by the State of Hawai Bureau of Vital Statistics.

H/T to my sister, Caren.

MJ Is Dead - Now Let's Get Back To Business

Michael Jackson was rushed to a UCLA hospital this afternoon in cardiac arrest. So sayeth the media. And now it's All Michael Jackson All The Time.

FNC is now the MJ News Channel. They pried Geraldo away from his dinner taco and stuck him in front of a camera so he could comment on what he doesn't know about Jackson's condition.

The House is getting ready to vote on a climate bill that will cripple American industry and screw up our utility bills for years. And it will accomplish exactly nothing.

Obama is trying to pass health care legislation that Congressman, Senators and union members are exempt from. It will put our very lives in the hands of government bureaucrats who couldn't give a shit about whether we live or die.

And MJ rules the airwaves now. What a buncha crap. I cannot stand this celebrity obsessive compulsive behavior on behalf of the media.

Okay, Jackson is dead. Let's say a quiet prayer that our children never fall into the same tormented, screwed up, self absorbed lifestyle. He is to be pitied.

The Only Response Needed To Charges Of Racism

I saw this over to Forger's. Ya gotta watch this.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Aussie Put Down

The Aussies are waltzing away from the the global warming scam in greater numbers than before. The following is a commentary from RealClearPolitics on an article titled "Cold FActs Dispel Theories on Warming" from The Australian:

As the US Congress considers the Waxman-Markey cap-and-trade bill, the Australian Senate is on the verge of rejecting its own version of cap-and-trade. The story of this legislation's collapse offers advance notice for what might happen to similar legislation in the US—and to the whole global warming hysteria.

Since the Australian government first introduced its Emission Tading Scheme (ETS) legislation—the Australian version of cap-and-trade energy rationing—there has been a sharp shift in public opinion and political momentum against the global warming crusade. This is a story that offers hope to defenders of industrial civilization—and a warning to American environmentalists that the climate change they should be afraid of just might be a shift in the intellectual climate.

Obama and the Democrats are pushing, pushing, pushing for cap and trade restrictions in order to enslave save us from a fate worse than, well, environmental slavery. The economic costs of cap and trade are stunning and the Aussies are pushing back.

There is rising recognition that introduction of a carbon tax under the guise of "cap and trade" will be personally costly, economically disruptive to society and tend to shift classes of jobs offshore. Moreover, despite rising carbon dioxide concentrations, global warming seems to have taken a holiday.

The science of global warming is claimed to be too complex for the public to comprehend and judge. We are continually being told to take and act on the advice of the consensus of IPCC experts; the dissenters are no more than paid mouthpieces of industry or worse.

Nevertheless, the public and their representatives are showing innate common sense.

The Australian Senate is poised to reject the "cap and trade" legislation designed by the Rudd Government to implement the Orwellian carbon pollution reduction scheme; it is unlikely the US Senate will ratify similar legislation to limit carbon dioxide emissions any time soon, despite the rhetoric of Barack Obama; and the UN's post-Kyoto dreamsof global industrial regulation are destined to fail in Copenhagen later this year.

There is a new book out this year, Heaven and Earth, written by an Australian geologist, Professor Ian Plimer. This book has influenced some critical thinkers in Australia who were formerly advocate of anthropic global warming. A review of the book states thusly:

The book's 500 pages and 230,000 words and 2311 footnotes are the product of 40 years' research and a depth and breadth of scholarship. As Plimer writes: "An understanding of climate requires an amalgamation of astronomy, solar physics, geology, geochronology, geochemistry, sedimentology, tectonics, palaeontology, palaeoecology, glaciology, climatology, meteorology, oceanography, ecology, archaeology and history."

The most important point to remember about Plimer is that he is Australia's most eminent geologist. As such, he thinks about time very differently from most of us. He takes the long, long view. He looks at climate over geological, archaeological, historical and modern time. He writes: "Past climate changes, sea-level changes and catastrophes are written in stone."

Much of what we have read about climate change, he argues, is rubbish, especially the computer modelling on which much current scientific opinion is based, which he describes as "primitive". Errors and distortions in computer modelling will be exposed in time. As if on cue, the United Nations' peak scientific body on climate change was obliged to make an embarrassing admission last week that some of its computers models were wrong.)

Tthis is not really an issue of science but of political will. There is a great deal more to read from these sources. But the end result in Australia?

The political impact has been manifested in a series of climb-downs as Prime Minister Kevin Rudd's government has been forced to delay its plans for cap-and-trade controls. On May 4, the government announced it would postpone the onset of the scheme until mid-2011, a year later than originally planned.

On June 4, this delayed emission trading scheme passed the House of Representatives despite a vote against it by the opposition. But it now faces almost certain defeat in the Australian Senate. Whereas the Labor government controls 32 votes in the Senate, the opposition Liberal-National coalition controls 37 and is committed to vote against it if the Rudd government will not grant more time to consider the outcome of the Copenhagen climate conference in December and US Senate deliberations. This itself is a compromise position, because many of the coalition parliamentarians now want to vote unconditionally against an ETS in any form.

It's not a victory, not yet.

Politicians and Poontang

Another idiot politician, SC Gov. Mark Sanford, stirs up a tempest by wandering off the family reservation to get some.

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford acknowledged Wednesday that he was carrying on an affair with a woman in Argentina when he disappeared from his office last week, only to resurface this morning.

Does he get points for distance? Maybe it's a form of the same compulsion that drives them to run for political office; some kind of ego power thing that makes a woman's thighs look like a voting booth. He just has to get inside and play with the levers.

He also did not identify the woman, but asked for privacy. He said that his wife had known about the affair for five months and that he had known the woman for eight years.

He described the affair has having begun innocently enough, via e-mail.

There is no innocent beginning to an affair. He has staff to answer emails. Let some college intern mess around with Maria and Mabel and Martha over the interwebtoobs.

He left it unclear whether he and his wife would separate, but his wife left little doubt, releasing a statement later that said she'd asked her husband to leave two weeks ago. She said he had not told her of his travel plans.

Momma ain't gonna be none too forgiving when Daddy comes home after a week long romp on the pampas. Momma Sanford has tossed Daddy out on his kiester.

Remember 1974? Arkansas Congressman Wilbur Mills and his drunken antics with Ms. Fannie Fox, the Argentine Bombshell? His run into the Tidal Basin to escape police?

Stripper Fannie Fox

I hate to even think it, but is there is an Argentine conspiracy to destabilize the United States? Is there an international movement to compromise American politicians by supplying them with an endless supply of buxom Argentine beauties to bewitch and beguile our leaders? Is there like a grant application or something where you can sign up for one?

Congressman Mills and Argentine secret agent Annabelle Battistella, aka Fannie Fox.

Notice the microphones cleverly concealed within her sequinns. This photo was taken in April 1974 right after Mills introduced legislation in the House granting Argentina full access to US nuclear weapons.

Does South Carolina have nuclear weapons?

They don't??

Oh noes!! Where did they go??

Monday, June 22, 2009

Yeah, Right

Some screwy 18 year old Belgian chick claims that she went to a tattoo parlor and fell asleep while some freak is ripping her face apart with an electronic needle plunger injector thingie.

Sorta like Sigourne Weaver falling asleep while that creepy alien marauder insect is chasing her around the airlock trying to ram his nasty wet asparagus down her throat.


In any event, said unsuspecting 18 year old walks into a tattoo parlor and asks this insane painted turnip to give her a tattoo.Rule Number 1 - Never let anyone who looks like this near your face while he is carrying sharp instruments. He looks like he he was spawned when his mother was raped by either a WWI German gas mask or a 1956 Buick Special.

The freak's name is Rouslan Tourmaniantz and if hangs his head outside the window of any vehicle going faster than 30 KPH his face breaks out in a windy rendition of "We Are The Champions." His glasses are permanently welded to the studs in his ears.

So now Freddie Krueger welcomes Miss Kimberley Vlaminck into his tattoo parlor and she explains to the Ink and Stainless Steel Fairy that she only wants three, 1..2..3, stars by her left eye. Of course he agrees to do whatever she wants. She then delivers herself into the capable hands and ravenous needles of the man who created the very popular social website, IFuckedUpMyFace.

Really, take another good like at this bloke. She's lucky he didn't use half inch rebar to pierce her through the cheeks of her ass.

So. Our princess wakes up from her ink induced slumber (ink pressed from the gonads of the tsetse fly), looks at her face in the reflection off Rouslan's grill work and absolutely freaks. Right? Wrong.

This is my take. She stumbles into said freak's lair after tooting up half the cocaine in Brussels and has him do the Rainbow Sparkly Pony Special on her face. We all love ponies too, dearie.

She goes home, sobers up and looks into the mirror after her mother throws herself under a bus. Tears and accusations at six.

Well, as it turns out, the Sparkly Pony damsel has retracted her story.She now admits that she wanted everyone of those 56 stars tattooed on her face.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Total Collapse Of Western Resolve

The Barking Moonbat has a piece on Somali pirates who hijacked a cargo ship yesterday,

MUSCAT, Oman, June 13 (UPI) -- A cargo vessel was hijacked off the coast of Oman by suspected Somali pirates in what is believed to be the first pirate attack in the area, officials said.

The MV Charelle, a small German-owned cargo vessel sailing under the Antigua and Barbuda flag, was attacked 60 nautical miles south of Sur on the Omani coast, Ecoterra reported Saturday.

[...] Pirates are currently holding 14 ships and more than 200 sailors, the BBC reported.

Drew threw a fit...

So what happened? The pirates were gunned down, right? Captured and hung? Or at least caught and then let go with a stern warning and a nice warm lunch? Not hardly. Not at all actually. With the combined navies of The United States, Great Britain, France, Germany, Russia, India, Iran, and probably Singapore just sitting around like leaky rubber ducks in a dirty bath tub, they let them go. With the stolen ship. All the way the hell back to Somalia. 1500 miles. Through the busiest international waters on the planet. Past all the navies of all the world. And nobody did a damn thing. Not. A. Thing.

Just think of it. Fourteen vessels and 200 sailors held for millions in ransom by a bunch of emaciated loons waving small arms and driving bassmaster fishing boats as fast as they can. We can't handle this?

OK. Western civilization is hanging in the balance here. The Visigoths are at the gates of Rome and we've got the Praetorian Guard armed and ready. Here's what we do.

Rescue the crews. Ohhhh what the hell, ransom them - get them out of harm's way because HARM is acomin'.

Reduce the coastline of Somalia to a charred ruin. Annihilate everything within five miles of the coast and any craft bigger than an innertube. Then salt the coast, annex it and use it for dumping nuclear waste, naval gunnery practise, whatever; just do the Carthage thing. Let the international community rant and rave - they're useless anyway. In a few months they'll be distracted by something else shiny and go off on baby seals, unicorns or porpoises. Meanwhile, international shipping can continue unmolested.


Happy Father's Day

This is my gift to all you Dad's out there.

Things You Don't Say To Your Wife.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Window Shopping

I went to the range today to fire my S&W Model 1917; on the way I stopped in at the gun shop down the street. They're remodeling the entire place, opening it up for more display space and putting out more stock.

They have these two items out on display now. They weren't there six weeks ago when I last stopped in.

The top one is a MG-42, a semiauto version of the German Army's belt fed 7.92 mm, 1,200 to 1,500 rpm machine gun. Yours for $3,600. The front sight is used to change the cycle rate of the gun.

Next to the MG-42 there is a wheel-mounted MG - a WWII SG-43 Goryunov - 7.62 x 54mm belt fed semiautomatic version. The shield has two dents in it that look like they were caused by gun fire. Below is a better picture of the weapon from this site.

While wandering around the shop's disarray, I picked up a used shoulder holster for my 1911.

I am also looking at a used Glock model 30. I just can't seem to stay away from the .45's.

True Colors

With Iran teetering on the brink of a revolution, our gutless Muslim-In-Chief defers from entering the fray. Remember the sixties? Remember the colleges seething with unrest? The demonstrations? The violence? Remember how the hippies who later became Congressmen and community organizers were so energized by this? Remember how these events changed American foreign policy?
That is where Iran is today. This is an historic opportunity to destabilize and perhaps completely neutralize an outlaw regime that has participated in the murder of thousands of innocent victims, as well as US servicemen, through its financial and logistical support of terrorism. This is an opportunity that was afforded by Bush The Younger's policies. And it is going down the tubes.

The Muslim-In-Chief's concern about Iran obtaining nuclear weapons is a sham. It's just another one of his Mussolini-style head shakes as he goes for the basket.
Charles Krauthammer has an excellent op-ed piece in today's Washington Post regarding how this once in a lifetime opportunity is being squashed.

This started out about election fraud. But like all revolutions, it has far outgrown its origins. What's at stake now is the very legitimacy of this regime -- and the future of the entire Middle East.

This revolution will end either as a Tiananmen (a hot Tiananmen with massive and bloody repression or a cold Tiananmen with a finer mix of brutality and co-optation) or as a true revolution that brings down the Islamic Republic.

The latter is improbable but, for the first time in 30 years, not impossible. Imagine the repercussions. It would mark a decisive blow to Islamist radicalism, of which Iran today is not just standard-bearer and model, but financier and arms supplier. It would do to Islamism what the collapse of the Soviet Union did to communism -- leave it forever spent and discredited.

[...] And what side is the Obama administration taking? None. Except for the desire that this "vigorous debate" (press secretary Robert Gibbs's disgraceful euphemism) over election "irregularities" not stand in the way of U.S.-Iranian engagement on nuclear weapons..

"Vigorous debate" is how the Obama administration labels the cries of millions of oppressed people who finally have run out of patience with their corrupt leaders. Millions marching in the streets and this clown calls it vigorous debate. What will he call it when the streets run with blood as government sponsored Irani thugs up the debate a notch? "Lively persuasive tactics?" or perhaps "strenuous disputation?" Obama's press hand puppet would have called WWII a "discourteous manifestation of international dissension."

Remember, this is the very same administration that labelled protests a form of "low-level terrorism" in a Pentagon refresher on terrorism. But I guess that only applies when the protests occur in the United States against the current President's policies.

The question read: "Which of the following is an example of low-level terrorism activity?"

Test takers had four choices: "Attacking the Pentagon," "IEDs," "Hate crimes against racial groups," and "Protests."

The correct answer to the question was "Protests."

Quoth Charles Krauthammer:

And where is our president? Afraid of "meddling." Afraid to take sides between the head-breaking, women-shackling exporters of terror -- and the people in the street yearning to breathe free. This from a president who fancies himself the restorer of America's moral standing in the world.

I vehemently disagree. The President has taken sides. He has sided with the purveyors of terror. He has sided with murderers of gays (what else do you do with unused construction equipment?) and he supports treating women like chattel.

He has sided with his birthright and his upbringing, he has chosen the side of Islamic and socialist radicals.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

An Open Letter To Senator Barbara Boxer

Senator Barbara Boxer,

I find that your response to Brigadier General Michael Walsh was unseemly.

The General addressed you in a manner that was completely courteous and correct, a fact that you seem to be ignorant of.

I can assure you that the hard work you seem so proud of was nothing in comparison to the work that the General has been doing for the past twenty odd years.

Please, from now on, when you demonstrate your insecurity, do it in private so I am not troubled by your inadequacies.


I finished two major projects in the past two days. Over the last 22 years I have spent way too many hours peering into an LCD monitor composing official documents' creating databases and spreadsheets. My neck is killing me. I left work early to see my chiropractor who informs me that the next step is deep tissue message then to inject cortisone into my vertebrae or possible surgery. When I turn my head it sounds like someone is crunching a bag of potato chips. Several times a day something catches and it feels like someone rammed a knife into my neck.

So I'm in a piss poor mood to begin with. Now I hear that North Korea may launch one of their Taepodong-2 rockets at Hawai on the 4th of July. Someone has to step on that poofy-haired cockroach running that pisspot country and setttle his hash once and for all.

I read that Iran maybe coming apart at the seams after that murderous terrorist running the show over there falsified voting results - many Iranian polling stations are reporting ballot returns that are 120% to 140 % higher than the number of registered voters. in their districts. About 100,000 Iranians protested today in Tehran. Every single one of them should march over to the palace or ministry hall, or wherever asshole Ahmadinejad hangs his hat, and step on that cockroach.

It is now after dinner and I am watching Fox News; they're showing video of stinking Palestinian terrorists using horses in the Gaza Strip to attack Iraelis. They strap explosives to the poor beasts and away they go. Those cockroaches need to leave those beautiful animals alone so they can run up and down the Mediterrean beaches and frolic in the surf. Then the Israelis need to step on those stinking cockroaches and settle their shit once and for all.

And because I just ate dinner, this next item kinda turns my stomache. Fox News also had this little item buried away, hidden under some story about a US Senator screwing some other guy's wife. Whatta surprise. But this story is also about sperm, freaking giant grab you by the throat and shake your ass sperm.

Called Harbinia micropapillosa, the tiny organism now found to bear evidence of degraded sperm was also an ostracod, crustaceans ranging in size from smaller than a poppy seed to as large as a meatball. The organisms are still around on Earth today and are equipped with up to eight pairs of appendages along their bivalve bodies.

They are known for their supersized sperm relative to their body size, reaching a record-breaking 10 body lengths, or 0.2 inches in Propontocypris monstrosa. The males are likewise well-endowed, having correspondingly large copulatory organs to cope with their sperm, said lead researcher Renate Matzke-Karasz of Ludwig Maximilians University in Munich, Germany. (When sperm length reaches that of the organism's body, it can arguably be called "giant," Matzke-Karasz said.)

Okay, maybe not that big but if the average American male had a set of cojones big enough to produce a proportionate sperm, he'd need a flatbed trailor anda payloader in the bedroom to deliver, well - the whole package. This is just plan gross and scary and I'm glad that someone already stepped on these cockroaches. Nothing worse than little tiny cockroaches running around with giant peckers.

If anything else pisses me off I'll let you know.

UPDATE - Okay, something in the paper made me feel better. Some guy, John More, just celebrated his 105th birthday. He is from Monopoli, Bari, Italy. That's where my wife's grandparents lived before emigrating to the US in the 1920's. Now I feel more confident that she'll be around to wait on me hand and foot until I decide to kick off. Life is good.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Elmer Fudd's Widow Arrested

Tigard, Oregon - Tigard police Sgt. Ronald Dunworthy announced today that a six week long animal abuse investigation culminated in the arrest of Mrs. Ernestine Fudd, widow of famous small game hunter Elmer Fudd.

Elmer was best known for his inability to correctly pronounce the letter "r" and his almost mystical ability to fire hundreds of rounds of double ought buck from a double barrel shotgun without reloading.

TIGARD, Ore. (AP) - Authorities said a woman obsessed with rabbits is in trouble again: In violation of probation terms, she was found holed up in a hotel room with more than a dozen rabbits. Officers said they had to break into the room Tuesday and found eight adults and half a dozen baby rabbits, one dead. The police say some were caged, some roaming.

The cause of the baby rabbit's death is still under investigation. Preliminary reports from the coroner's office indicate that unauthorized home pregnancy tests are suspected. When asked to provide more details, Sgt Dunworth would only comment that reporters should "try to say 'raunchy rowdy rabid rabbits really rock' three times real fast!"

They arrested 47-year-old Miriam Sakewitz. [obviously an alias ~ sig94]

She was arrested in 2007 with more than 250 rabbits in squalid conditions. In a plea deal, she was forbidden to have animals for five years. Before her conviction, police said, she broke into a holding area to retrieve her rabbits.

This incident became a part of popular culture wnen it spawned the cult hit song "Rabid Rabbit Transit."

Four months after the plea deal, she was sent to jail for three days for having a rabbit.

The City of Tigard was abuzz for weeks after Ms. Sakewitz gave birth to a healthy two ounce baby rabbit. She was arrested after authorites determined that the father, a Giant Chinchilla, was under age.

Mrs. Ernestine Fudd, aka Miriam Sakewitz.

Mrs. Fudd's unnatural relationship with rabbits was thought to have caused her husband's violent, compulsive hunting frenzies that ultimately led to his suicide.

Monday, June 15, 2009

The Crazy Aunt

The nanny state is never satisfied. Like an insane aunt who finally escapes from the attic and screams at her nephews not to run with sissors, the Brits are now examining a knife that makes it very difficult to stab someone. All the designer did was round off the pointy end so you have to really work at it to stab someone to death. The assailant will have to pound the knife into your chest. Or just use the sharp cutting edge to slit your throat. And it will cost about $73 (45 English pounds).

Do you have any idea how long it woud take me to put a sharp point on that knife with a grind stone? I figure my basement electric grinder could do the job in less than twenty seconds. It would take longer to refinish the edge on my lawnmower blade.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Blast Off

I was schlepping around over to subvet's joint where I read that:

The Acting Administrator of NASA and the Equal Opportunity Programs Office at Goddard Space Flight Center have encouraged agency employees to take part in “LGBT Pride Month,” leading to criticism that the action takes the space agency “completely off-mission” and promotes homosexual activism.

This is part of Obama's stimulus plan. He wants the nation's perverts to get as stimulated as possible.

The NASA administrator, Acting Chief Christopher J. Scolese, emailed his subordinates instructing them to:

“Take time to learn about the contributions of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans, and celebrate the diversity that has helped shape and strengthen NASA and our nation.”

Learn about their contributions? You can learn all you want to know, and then some, just by bending over in the shower room of any one of our nation's correctional facilities.

And how has this diversity strengthened anything other than HIV testing procedures at blood donor sites?

Maybe the "wide stance launch mode" is more popular than we imagined in some of NASA's men's rooms.

The story was broken by the CNA, here.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Just Stuff

Chastity Bono, the daughter son of Sonny and Cher, has decided that she he is a him and will undergo "gender reassignment." Him's first name from now on will now be Bob.

An Italian woman who was late for her flight, thus avoiding death on the ill fated Flight 447 last week, has been killed in a car accident.

Johanna Ganthaler, a pensioner from Bolzano-Bozen province, had been on holiday in Brazil with her husband Kurt and missed Air France Flight 447 after turning up late at Rio de Janeiro airport on May 31.

[...] It said that Ms Ganthaler died when their car veered across a road in Kufstein, Austria, and swerved into an oncoming truck. Her husband was seriously injured.

The plate number on the truck that she hit was SORYIMISEDU-447. Strange, very strange indeed.

An English student, who was attacked by three thugs who cut one of his ears off, had the ear reattached ... to his stomache.

Because the ear was not found for 17 hours, surgeons could not immediately reattach it.

Instead, doctors stitched it inside his stomach so some of the tissue will re-grow. The plan is to then reconstruct the ear using some of the cartilage from 26-year-old Mr Gibbs's ribcage.

Nothing funny here.

And from the KOREAN CENTRAL NEWS AGENCY of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea:

Ambassador Daulat Hotma Audison Passaribu and staff members of the Indonesian embassy here did a friendly work at the DPRK-Indonesia Friendship Yaksu Co-op Farm in Kangso County, South Phyongan Province, Wednesday.

They helped farmers in weeding a maize field.

During a break they sang songs and conversed with farmers, deepening the friendship.

They handed aid materials to the farm.

After they did their friendly work and sang maize infected songs the Ambassador and his staff were shot.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

In Memoriam - Kill Your Child

In honor of Doctor Tiller, the murdered abortionist, yesterday the Philadelphia WOmen's Center offered free abortions. Come one, come all. Custom fitted forceps. Designer stirrups.

The Philadelphia Women’s Center gave away free abortions Tuesday in honor of Dr. George Tiller, the abortionist who was murdered last week by an anti-abortion

A worker at the clinic said that an unspecified number of free abortions had been performed during the day, but that they had stopped giving them away by late afternoon.

Maybe their vacuum cleaner broke or the dumpster lid got all jammed up.

She also said that there had not been free abortion giveaways in the past, and that there were no plans to give any away in the future. Under normal circumstances, abortions would not be au gratis at the clinic.

Whoa, for a minute there I thought she said, "Au gratin." Never know what those wild and wacky fellows will do with the remains. Inventive bastards.

In all other respects, this was a bizarre, obscene observance.

A dark, dark exclamation point to the end of a man's life; a man who dedicated his professional, healing skills to the delivery of death.

Monday, June 08, 2009


I have maintained all along that I am blog challenged. I upgraded my template to a layout and I lost my prior comments which were in Haloscan. I will try to restore them.

If someone (anyone!) knows how to do this, please give me a holler.

UPDATE: I reloaded Haloscan but I think it did not link correctly or it is a fresh program code load and does not bring the old comments with it.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Hey, Check Out My New...

I have done a bunch of stupid things over the years and, for the most part, I would just as soon forget I ever did them. I certainly would not choose to distribute these memories across the vast expanse of the internet. Yet that is exactly what some folk do. Like this guy. For what you are about to see, thank my buddy Al, another retired cop.

Something went very wrong here. No degree in brain surgery required, just look at the hole in the sneaker. Looks like a .45 caliber hole.

Ooops. First the front.
Then the back.

I think that bit o'white neath the nail is bone.

In The Land Of Hookers

Really, why play with yourself in the Land O' Cheap Hookers?

David Carradine's death in Bangkok should probably be classified as "sexual misadventure" and let his relatives retire into the shadows to deal with the grief and shame.

Law enforcement has been dealing with these kinds of deaths for decades. I remember when the first local case happened in the early-80's when a 12 year old boy hung himself with a jump rope while amusing himself over a lingerie catalogue. It is called auto-erotic asphyxiation.

We also had a suspicious death in the late 70's where a half naked victim was found with a thin cord wrapped around his neck; the body was dumped outside the city. Allegedly the victim was attending a party when the "accident" occured. This is called "asphyxiaphilia" when two people are involved and one is depriving the other of oxygen - more commonly referred to as choking.

Supposedly this activity heightens the sexual experience. I have absolutely no idea if this is true and I have no interest in obtaining first hand knowledge.

As evidence technicians we have to respond to all kinds of embarrassing investigations, - embarrassing to the family - when brother, dad or grand dad checks out in the middle of something that they would rather their family not find out.

This is a dangerous activity as there is only a three minute window to restore Oh Two to the chokee. Anything after that and there will most likely be brain damage - or death.

Which brings me to this point. Why in the world did a guy like Carradine bother with this auto erotic stuff when he had easy and inexpensive access to any number of prostitutes?

There are on line instruction manuals on how to get laid in Thailand for crying out loud. There are Thai bars that openly advertise for perverts. A short time girl (2 - 3 hours) will run 350 baht. A baht is just under 3 cents.

Do the math (it's less than $3.50) - so for five bucks you can have a Happy Meal ™ too.

Leave the jump rope at home in the kids' toy box.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

An Elephant's Faithful 100%

I gained a lot of weight after I stopped smoking.
Once or twice a month I find myself in this situation...
The neighbors raise all kindsa hell at the braying and trumpeting.
A big H/T to Charlie the Cop.

Obama Man

This is a great video clip! The Obama Man...

Monday, June 01, 2009

When Soldiers Have Too Much Time On Their Hands

Her buddies stuffed her into a dryer in the barracks dorm.
She fits pretty good.

Glad to see she's still flexible.