Sunday, June 29, 2008

Thank God The American Revolution Was 230 years Ago

In a stunning display of ineptitude, Special Forces of the French Army attacked its own citizens today at a military open house demonstration.

FOUR people including a child were in a critical condition today after live bullets were used instead of blanks during a French special forces open day, army and regional officials said.

Seventeen people were injured in total.

We wonder if by "Special" Forces the French are really indicating "Short Bus" Forces. That would make a lot more sense out of what follows.

Fifteen civilians and two soldiers were injured in the incident, of which the details remained unclear, involving a demonstration by members of a marines parachute regiment of hostage liberation exercises, a regional authority, Bernard Lemaire, said.

Four of the 17 were seriously injured, with two described as critical following "incomprehensible'' scenes at the barracks near Carcassone, in the country's south-west.

Now Jacques, put the pointy bullets back in the box next to the crayons. That's good. Now put the shorter, blunt ones in the, yes, they are very shiny and very pretty, Jacques. Yes, I like them too, Jacques, but we must not ever use the pointy ones except when we are told to.

According to local authorities, five children were among the injured. Five helicopters, 11 firefighters' first-aid vehicles and two ambulances rushed to the scene to help the injured.

What is really scary is that these are allegedly highly trained Special Feces Forces troops; the best of the best so to speak. I wonder if our Revolution would have survived this kind of French military expertise.

One soldier had been detained, although no explanation was immediately forthcoming for why the wrong ammunition was loaded into weapons. "All hypotheses are being considered,'' said a national police spokesman, adding the weapons had been "seized and placed under lock and key''.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. The weapons did not do anything they were not intended to do. You should put the soldiers under lock and key.

Hospitals in the southern cities and towns of Toulouse, Narbonne, Montpellier and Perpignan, as well as Carcassone, were treating the wounded. Colonel Benoit Royal, head of the army's information unit, said a number among the injured were from military families.

I can imagine that a disgruntled soldier had a grudge or was looking to cause much embarassment to the French government (but then again you would think that there are safe guards against this sort of thing). But did none of the other soldiers check their weapons? The people attending the demonstration were their own families! No one bothered to take a peek at what they were about to send downrange into their own wives and children? Huh?

This is astounding, simply astounding.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

A New Addition To The Armory

Today at Gander Mountian I traded my Beretta for a .45 Kimber Custom stainless. I'll go to the Sheriff's Department on Monday to amend my CCW permit and bring it home.

I compared the Kimber to a stainless Colt Government pistol - both exactly the same price. I was surprised that there was a BIG difference in the quality of the machining; parts of the Colt looked slipshod and crude when compared side by side with the Kimber.

Over One Billion Served

My brother sent me this, a tribute to the pause that refreshes..

Monument to be erected to an enema in southern Russia

MOSCOW, June 16 (RIA Novosti) - A statue is to be unveiled to an enema at a health center in the southern Russia's town of Zheleznovodsk, the center director said on Monday. The 1.5 meter-high bronze monument, weighing 350 kilograms (771.6 pounds), portrays "three angel-like children carrying above their heads a big
pear-like enema," Alexander Kharchenko said.

Yep, the kids names are Jabum, Kolum and Rektum.

"This will be the first monument to an enema in the world," he said, adding that the initiative to erect the monument was proposed by the center's administration, where hundreds of similar procedures are carried out every day.

"It is high time a monument to an enema was erected," he said.

The director added that most health centers around the Caucasus Mineral Waters, a renowned Russian spa resort, provide enemas as part of medical treatment for stomach problems.

In late January, an incident with an enema in another Russian military health center in Pyatigorsk, in the North Caucasus, attracted large-scale public attention.

Now this gets a little crazy, it sounds like an enema got high on crack and machine gunned a bus full of kindergarteners on their way to the zoo.

A nurse used a rectal bulb syringe to inject peroxide into the rectums of 80 patients, including Russian officers and their families, after mistaking the substance for water. The incident led to 17 of the patients being hospitalized. Hydrogen peroxide, which can be used to bleach hair, should not be ingested as it could damage the stomach and other organs.

But everyone of them loves being a blonde...

Friday, June 27, 2008

The Kiss

There ain't no way in hell that he's gonna slide some tongue in that exchange. Her lips are clenched tighter than a frog's ass and that's water tight. Like a diver's watch, she's good for 300 meters.

Our Flag And The Constitution

Penn and Teller do a terrific job of explaining the relationship between our flag and the US Constitution.

A H/T to LC Forger

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Parliment Of The Apes

It may be a good idea to stay away from Hispanole for a while. They have gone completely nutzoid. They must be mixing crack with the sangria.

MADRID (Reuters) - Spain's parliament voiced its support on Wednesday for the rights of great apes to life and freedom in what will apparently be the first time any national legislature has called for such rights for non-humans.

Parliament's environmental committee approved resolutions urging Spain to comply with the Great Apes Project, devised by scientists and philosophers who say our closest genetic relatives deserve rights hitherto limited to humans.

"This is a historic day in the struggle for animal rights and in defense of our evolutionary comrades, which will doubtless go down in the history of humanity," said Pedro Pozas, Spanish director of the Great Apes Project.

This is an historic day all right. The Froot Loops have finally risen to the top of the milk bowl and booted out the sliced bananas.

"We have no knowledge of great apes being used in experiments in Spain, but there is currently no law preventing that from happening," Pozas said.

Keeping apes for circuses, television commercials or filming will also be forbidden and breaking the new laws will become an offence under Spain's penal code.

Keeping an estimated 315 apes in Spanish zoos will not be illegal, but supporters of the bill say conditions will need to improve drastically in 70 percent of establishments to comply with the new law.

The apes are also in line for social security benefits, free college tuition and low interest home mortgages.

Too Many Lawyers

Too Many Lawyers, Too Little Wisdom
By Doug Patton
June 23, 2008

“When there are too many policemen, there can be no liberty.
When there are too many soldiers, there can be no peace.
When there are too many lawyers, there can be no justice.”
— Lin Yutang (1895-1976)
Chinese-American writer and editor

In Henry VI, Shakespeare wrote, “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” Anyone with “esquire” behind his or her name will rightly tell you that the bard’s quote, when taken in context, is in praise of lawyers. Personally, I prefer it taken out of context, as do most who quote it. Like all lawyer jokes, it makes the point that no one likes them and that there are far too many of them.

Paradoxically, it is the law that separates us from the uncivilized; yet lawyers in excessive numbers create a barrier to progress that threatens the very civilization we enjoy. This is especially true when wisdom is divorced from the practice of the law, as is so often the case in America today.

Take, for instance, the ridiculous ruling of the California Supreme Court, which mandated that the people of that state must accept a redefinition of marriage to include same-sex couples.

Or the recent United States Supreme Court decision that invented a constitutional right to habeas corpus and all the rights associated with citizenship for hostile combatants taken prisoner on foreign battlefields. Our ancestors would think us mad, indeed.

Thousands of years ago, King Solomon is reported to have been the wisest man in the world. When asked to judge between two women who claimed to be the mother of an infant, Solomon ordered that the child be cut in two and each woman be given half. One of the women immediately cried out that the king should give the baby to the other woman, which proved to Solomon that this woman was the child’s mother, for she was willing to give her child to someone else rather than see it slain. Solomon’s wisdom is not often in evidence in the legal profession today.

Recently, an Associated Press article was published concerning the number of American lawyers and law schools. It seems that the United States now has the dubious distinction of having 200 accredited law schools. Currently in this country we have one million lawyers, most of them hungry and anxious to sue someone. Anyone.

Contrast that with Japan, a nation with approximately half our population, which has 18,000 practicing lawyers. We have nearly ten times that many people in law school at this very moment!

“I think we have this fundamental disconnect between images of lawyers in the popular media, in the courtroom dispensing justice, where everyone seems prosperous and well paid,” says William Henderson, an Indiana University-Bloomington law professor who studies the job market. “The reality is for a lot of people, law school is a route to trying to start your own private practice, and that’s a very crowded business right now.”

So we have one million lawyers, their ranks swollen annually by fifteen percent from 200 law schools around the country. Many who cannot make it in private practice join the ranks of advocacy law. These are the legal parasites who impede society’s advancement in the name of a cause such as global warming or homosexual special rights. They specialize in attacking traditional values and institutions and generally wreaking havoc on society. They are the ACLU types and other radical fringe groups bent on destroying America. And many times, they become the judges who find themselves ascending the ladder to our federal courts — where they can do some real damage.

Ethical lawyers and wise judges are rare today, and they are not rewarded for their common sense. A judge who wants to see his career flourish will not rule in a manner that will invite scrutiny by a higher court. To have a decision overturned is not in the best interests of a jurist’s long term career goals.

Do you suppose King Solomon would have concerned himself with such things?

© Copyright 2008 by Doug Patton

Doug Patton is a freelance columnist who has served as a political speechwriter and public policy advisor. His weekly columns are published in newspapers across the country and on selected Internet web sites, including Human Events Online, and, where he is a senior writer and state editor. Readers may e-mail him at mhtml:%7BB5A5E0E5-09A7-4E7E-ABCC-097CA314DBE1%7Dmid://00000091/!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Mammogram For Mongo!

Ladies, have you scheduled your mammogram?


After seeing these jokes sent by my sister, I'm absultely certain that she is all wigged out on her estrogen replacement therapy. I have to pray for my BIL
No! After seeing these jokes, I am absolutely certain that men designed the current test for breast cancer - the mammogram (it actually sounds like something you'd like to get in the mail, no? Hey cool! I got a mammogram today! Gee! Thanks Mom!) and I'm very glad that women did not design the exam for testicular cancer. Okay, time to delve into my feminine side...

I'm trying to find out which Wal-Mart sells this mirror!!

How to train for a mammogram...

I had my physical today and... JUST HATE GETTING OLDER!

Ok,now you've had your laugh, so GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMIED!

Nobody needs to know.. It will be your secret!

OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember.

... Breast Cancer Awareness...

Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy!

Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, and even your enemies. Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer.

'A Bit Of Fragrance Always Clings To The Hand That Gives You Roses'

All kidding aside, get all the medical exams you need for all those lovely female parts that we men love to mess around with. Do it now.

Monday, June 23, 2008

2006 Darwin Awards

You can't believe everything in the emails you get. My brother sent me this supposed 2008 Darwin Awards list and I decided to check it out on Snopes before posting it. None of these incidents occurred in 2006. But of the nine entries, only four are false.

8th Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Snopes Sez: True, his name was Ray Langston who died under these exact circumstances in Detroit on 28 SEP 96.

7th Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliffon his daily run.

Snopes Sez: True, he was a San Francisco stokebroker named Jack Sullivan who died under these circumstances in 1996.

6th Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole forprotection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chairat the bottom! When it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Snopes Sez: True, his name was indeed Daniel Jones and he lived in Woodbridge, VA. He died on
7 Aug 97.

5th Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit thefloor.

Snopes Sez: This first showed up in 1997 and cannot be verified.

4th Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Snopes Sez: This also showed up in 1997 and has never been verified. But there is a Social Security death record that corresponds to the same name, age, sex and race of a man who died in Maryland on 26 FEB 97.

3rd Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Snopes Sez: True, the idiot's name was David Zaback and he attempted to rob a Reston, WA, gunshop (near Seattle) on 3 FEB 90. Zaback was mortally wounded by a uniformed police officer and the store clerk - who shot him three times in the chest and once in the arm. No one else fired though apparently everyone in the crowded shop who had a gun cleared leather. Zaback was carrying a .38 cal revolver and fired three times. One of the shots hit a box of ammo and set off multiple rounds inside the shop. A merry time was had by all.

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

Snopes Sez: True, their names are as reported and they nearly blew themselves up on 30 SEP 96. Both survived. Police found more dynamite at their home.

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 A.M. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

Snopes Sez: This story cannot be verifed, it was first written in 1995 by someone named Edward Martin III.

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheerf orce of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'

Snopes Sez: This story first showed up in 1998 and has never been verified.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Gore's Retirement Scam, Redux

Hopefully the morticians are starting to drive nails, such as this article, into the coffin lid of the shameful flim flam know as global warming. From the Toronto Sun:

Over the past 18 months I've written scores of columns on global warming.

I've read nine books on the subject so far (six by authors supporting the theory of man-made global warming and the Kyoto accord, three by skeptics).

I've watched three documentaries, including Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth and two by skeptics.

I've read hundreds of articles and now spend at least two to four hours each week researching this issue alone.

The best journalism, pro and con, is coming out of the United Kingdom and Europe, where carbon taxes and cap-and-trade are already adversely affecting millions of people because of skyrocketing energy prices.

Al Gore's retirement plan in action. Hundreds of millions of people being forced to contribute to Gore's 401-stic(k)itinyourass.

I'm not an expert. But I am an engaged lay person who now knows enough that I can tell when someone is bullsh****** us.

Here's what I've figured out so far.

Tighten yer lugnuts, the road to a carbon neutral lifetyle is getting bumpy.

First, Canadians care about this issue, passionately. I've never had as strong a response from readers as I've had to these columns in more than 20 years of column-writing.

Second, most politicians, regardless of party, don't know what they're talking about.

They don't understand the theory of anthropogenic global warming, or what is known with confidence and what isn't.

They don't know the difference between the Earth's natural greenhouse effect and man-made greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions.

They don't realize the economic dislocation involved in moving from a carbon-based to a carbon-free economy.

Most care about the issue only in so far as it can help them get elected, which, given the implications and what's at stake for ordinary citizens, is recklessly irresponsible.

Most politicians don't know what the Kyoto accord says.

Economic treaty

They think it's an environmental treaty. It's not.

It's an economic treaty.

Its purpose is not to reduce GHG emissions -- under it GHG emissions are guaranteed to rise.

Kyoto is a United Nations treaty designed to transfer wealth from the developed world to the developing world by charging the developed world for the right to emit carbon.

While still VP, Gore must have been approached by some mega investor types who saw his eco-nuttiness as a way to influence the markets. Think of it, Gore's investment firm, Generation Investment Management, is based in London, not in the US where the loons are not quite completely in charge of things - yet. So the stage was set for the redistribution of Europe's wealth, as it is being set here with the demand for reduction in greenhouse gases. And the price? Gore and his buddies are looking at slicing up a $3 trillion pie.

The main drivers of Kyoto were, ironically, the U.K. and Europe, along with the developing world, led by China, now the world's largest GHG emitter.

Last year, China alone, exempt from reducing its own GHG emissions, was responsible for two-thirds of the total global increase in these emissions, although its per capita emissions remain well below that of the United States, the second-largest emitter.

In any event, the developing world, the U.K. and Europe each saw in Kyoto (although it's now backfiring on the U.K. and Europe) not a way to save the planet, but to hobble the U.S. economy to their advantage.

For the developing world, Kyoto, if ratified by the U.S., would place severe restrictions on American industrial activity from which developing nations are exempt.

Europe and the U.K. crafted Kyoto to give them an undeserved economic advantage over the U.S.

There is more to this article, particularly how European countries took credit for an overall reduction of carbon emissions that resulted from the economic collapse of the USSR in 1990.

By using 1990, a year before the Soviet Union disintegrated and its carbon emissions dramatically dropped because its economy collapsed, Europe was able to claim much of this emissions drop for itself, as major parts of the former
Soviet empire were absorbed by it.

It was an accounting trick. Nothing more.

The selection of 1990 also gave an undeserved bonus to the U.K., which was moving, for reasons unrelated to Kyoto, from coal to natural gas as an energy source, which emits less GHG than coal.

The Americans, wisely, refused to ratify Kyoto, even when Gore was their VP and lobbying for it.

Unfortunately, we did, either because the previous Liberal government didn't understand that the economic penalties Kyoto aimed at the U.S. would also apply
to us, or because Jean Chretien, in his rush to craft himself an environmental legacy, didn't care.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Band of Idiots

A Higgins Landing Craft full of teenage bimbos just hit the beaches at Gloucester High School, Massachusetts.
GLOUCESTER, Mass. (WBZ) ― There's a stunning twist to the sudden rise in teen pregnancies at Gloucester High School. Seventeen students there are expecting and many of them became that way on purpose. Time Magazine first reported that nearly half of the girls confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together.

None of them is older than 16.

Schools Superintendent Christopher Farmer told WBZ's Bill Shields Thursday the girls had "an agreement to get pregnant." Farmer said these are generally "girls who lack self-esteem and have a lack of love in their life."

[...] one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy...

Brandishing their ovaries on full automatic, they assaulted an enemy homeless shelter stronghold and captured an entire platoon of sperm donors.

According to Time, school officials started looking into the spike in pregnancies after an unusual number of girls came to the school clinic for pregnancy tests. Some came by several times.

"Some girls seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were," Sullivan told the magazine. The pregnant girls and their parents turned down requests to be interviewed.

A recent graduate who had a baby during her freshman year told Time she knows why the girls wanted to get pregnant. "They're so excited to finally have someone to love them unconditionally," Amanda Ireland, 18, said. "I try to explain it's hard to feel loved when an infant is screaming to be fed at 3 a.m."



Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Wasting Away In Colonville

I saw this over to Cookie's and decided to rip him off

....AND...fer those of y'all who've ever gone through a Colonoscopy procedure (I have), y'all will not only relate to this funny story, but get a laff or two out of it as well....

This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:...

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenteritis, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!"

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.

You mix two packets of powder together in a one-literplastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, becauseMoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me rollover on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking to up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER ~Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

I had a colonoscopy several years ago and am due for another one. My favorite part of the colon-look-up is when all that compressed air they pump up your butt comes out. You see, they inflate the colon so there is more room for that giant sewer pipe with a camera attached to make a right turn at Minneapolis and take Interstate Rt 90 to your throat.

Once the sewer pipe/camera unit is removed along with some chunks of Minneapolis' sidewalks, there is no need to keep your colon the size of the Holland Tunnel. Nature provides a marvelous venue for the colon's air pressure to equalize with the ambient air pressure outside the colon.

This venue is scientifically known as yer butt hole.

What brings you out of blessful sleep mode is the sound of all that air being equalized by everyone in the Recovery Room. It is called the "Recovery Room" because it is impossible to recover your dignity while your butt is behaving like you spent a week at Bonita's Bountiful Bean Burrito Buffet.

It is like waking up in the midst of Haydn's Sphincter Symphony in C Minor. It is almost impossible to keep the thin sheet covering your scantily clad body from blowing off the guerney. With all those thin white sheets flapping in the breeze, the Recovery Room looks like the French Army on manuvers.

Monday, June 16, 2008

The 100 Block of Seymour Street

I was cleaning out my blog, looking for posts that I never published; I found this.

Cookie (The Cook Shack) and I worked together as cops. We didn't share any assignments but know each other and got along. Cookie was a detective and I was a street cop/evidence technician. Aboout a year ago we exchanged some views on a series of newspaper clippings my brother emailed to me. One of them was this article about a domestic incident resulting in serious injury under rather unusual circumstances; a man had his penis bit off by his epileptic girlfriend..

Cookie replied:

Too bazaar not to be true......but I had something similar at Upstate one night regarding the last news flash. Seems she (59er) was giving head to her 59er boyfriend in the kitchen when she had an epileptic seisure....he wacked her in the head her multiple contusions, abrasions...and a concussion. He lost most of his penis and there was blood all over the Seymour St address...that's right....good old Seymour St.......

Having worked the 59 beat for several years, I knew exactly where Cookie was talking about. And the typical situations (or atypical if you're not a lunatic) one was liable to run into.

Particularly if it involved sex. Some of the weirdest calls involved unnatural acts with whatever happened to be at hand.

Anyway, I replied:

Where else but Seymour? And Shonnard, Oswego, Kellogg, yes there’s always Kellogg. And Gifford, and Merriman, and …

Cookie sends back:

Remind me to tell ya about the Homicide I had on Shonnard St where a Hispanic man stuck a .12 ga shotgun in his girlfriends mouth during a fight and pulled the trigger....that was a REAL cover yur coffee cup scene if'n ya read me....

Well, I remembered this homicide very well. What Cookie refers to here as a "Cover yur coffee cup" scene is a crime scene that is so incredibly messy that body parts are literally dripping from the ceiling. Ergo "cover yur coffee cup" if you don't want to be drinking someone else's body fluids and swallowing little meaty chunks of whatever.

I emailed Cookie back:

That was in Feb of 1980 I think, 152 Seymour, downstairs on the east side of the house? Is that the one? I was in there for three hours. Heh, that was the house Danny Corbett ran outta there. When I walked in the suspect was on his knees in front of Ralph J. begging him to kill him. Ralph is going, “Now, now, now calm down now ...”

You had to know Ralph. He was a farmer or something and had no fuse, none whatsoever. Nothing riled him, he never really got upset. He was talking to this drunk who had blown his girl's head clean off like he was talking to a schoolboy who forgot to bring his homework to class.

Anyway, we were sitting down in the squad room getting ready for roll call just before 2300 when Danny C. and I were called out by one of the platoon sergeants. "Get down to 152 Seymour pronto" he says, "There's been a shooting."

Danny and I were the Evidence Technicians tonight, or ET's for short, and we rolled on all felonies as sort of a mini-crime lab. It was rather unusual that there was two of us working the same unit on the same night.

I worked the ET car on a regular basis and Danny covered for me on my rest days. There was at least one ET car deployed on every shift, sometimes two (units 235 and 236) if there was enough coverage in all the beats. Each car was stuffed with photographic, latent print and evidence collection gear.

The 100 block of Seymour St. was less than a mile from the station so we got there in no time. Cookie arrived a bit later on Seymour St.

Cookie went on:

Being the Sgt in the Lab...I had to be present at all homicides and suspicious death scenes...and they've become a blur in my memory. You are most correct...I stand corrected regarding date and location...but that was an unforgettable scene wasn't it?

Yes it was. This was one of the nastiest messes I'd ever had to process. I had an indication that this could be bad when Danny and I first pulled up. I saw the ambulance crew saunter out of the first floor apartment with an empty gurney and not a care in the world.

Right away I knew that either it was nothing or it was everything. An empty gurney and bored EMT's means that emergency care is not needed or the victim is far beyond any care.

As I passed the ambulance crew I asked, "What is it?" They just shrugged and proceded to stow their gear back on the rig. Danny stayed behind on the sidewalk leading up to the entrance and yelled at me, "I can't stand that stuff, let me know how bad it is."

I just said "Sure," and walked into the scene.

I emailed Cookie:

High speed Velveta cheese all over the wall. A big piece of the top of her skull completely stripped of flesh and hair on the kitchen floor, upside down like a soup bowl. I could look down her throat into her stomach. And she was still holding a glass of beer.

It took a few seconds for the sight to sink in. The victim, a white female approximately 40 years old and not getting any older, was sitting at a small table in a cheap vinyl kitchen chair. She was slouched over the tale on her left side. About three quarters of her head was completely gone. And she was clutching a glass of beer in her left hand.

Gore was everywhere. Brains, hair and blood had painted the wall behind the table and was dripping from the ceiling; much of her head had spattered over the rest of the room after ricoheting off the walls and ceiling.

At the time I imagined that if I shined a flashlight down her throat I could have read a book with the light coming out her ass.

Danny wanted to know what was going on. He called from outside, "Is it bad?"

I have been told I have a sadistic streak.

I answered him, "Nah, it's nothing."

Danny walked into the scene and ran out like a flash. I didn't see him for several hours. I never asked him what he did all that time. I think he was painting the side of the apartment with his dinner.

Cookie has a sadistic streak too.

Cookie emailed me back:

What you may not have seen or heard about that night was what I did to the then Lt. Smith. I found something over in the corner of the kitchen...picked it up with a spoon and went outside to Lt. Smith...who by the way was sick from the scene...and I had the spoon behind my back. I walked up to him and said..."Hey L.T" .....pulled out the spoon from behind my back and put it up to his face and said "Here's lookin at you kid" was one of her eyes. Smith lost it right there.....ROFLMAO.....

I wondered where the hell her other eye had gone to! It weren't on the floor.

There is no mercy, even for your wingman. If we find out you have a weak stomache, you'd better get an inside job or carry one of those airplane puke baggie things with you.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Commies In The Cupboard

I was taking a quiz over to The People's Cube entitled "GUESS WHICH COLLECTIVIST SAID IT... " and I was struck by the similarity between political quotes from Lenin, Stalin, Hitler and Mao Zedong and the political rantings of Barack Obama and Hillary Clintoon. Here are just a few of them:

"We demand that the State shall make it its primary duty to provide a livelihood for its citizens."
Adolf Hitler

"Our individual salvation depends on our collective salvation."
Barack Obama

"It's time to put the common good, the national interest, ahead of individuals."
Hillary Clinton

"Our nation can achieve permanent health only from within on the basis of the principle: The common interest before self-interest."
Adolf Hitler

"It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few, and to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity."
Hillary Clinton

"We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good. "
Hillary Clinton

"Personal enrichment from war must be regarded as a crime against the nation. We demand therefore the ruthless confiscation of all war profits."
Adolph Hitler

"The war in Iraq makes millions of dollars for big corporations, either weapons manufacturers or those working in the reconstruction, such as Halliburton and its sister companies. "
Osama bin Laden

"The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism."
Karl Marx

"The trouble with free elections is, you never know who is going to win."
Leonid Brezhnev

"I hope we will come together as a nation and do whatever it takes to keep guns away from people who have no business with them."
Hillary Clinton

"Ideas are more powerful than guns. We would not let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have ideas?"
Joseph Stalin

"Mankind is divided into rich and poor, into property owners and exploited; and to abstract oneself from this fundamental division and from the antagonism between poor and rich means abstracting oneself from fundamental facts."
Joseph Stalin

"I certainly think the free-market has failed."
Hillary Clinton

"Capitalists are no more capable of self-sacrifice than a man is capable of lifting himself up by his own bootstraps."
Vladimir Lenin

"(We) can't just let business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from some people."
Hillary Clinton

"The unfettered free market has been the most radically disruptive force in American life in the last generation."
Hillary Clinton (as she quotes Alan Arenhault in her book, "It Takes A Village")

"The untrammeled intensification of laissez-faire capitalism and the spread of market values into all areas of life, is endangering our open and democratic society."
George Soros

"The money has to go to the federal government because the federal government will spend that money better than the private sector will spend it."
Hillary Clinton

"Political work is the life-blood of all economic work."
Mao Zedong

"Why do I have to keep proving to people that I am not a liar?"
Hillary Clinton

Snopes posits that some of Hillary's comments were taken out of context.

The Foundation Of Our Civilization

During Memorial Day I got pretty depressed over where our culture is heading - right into the trash can. How can a pussified nation produce warriors? How can young men brought up in a politically correct environment become the fearsome, relentless soldiers that our nation requires in these dangerous times? I see the impact of useless metrosexual so called men at all levels of our society and the reckless, angry reaction of young men against the lack of true men who will be fathers to their sons.

In Why Can't a Democrat be More Like a Man? , One Cosmos uses an anthropological study "The Human ANimal", by Weston LaBarre to analyze child rearing and the damage done to our society by feminism.

LaBarre notes that “a society’s attitudes toward women and toward maternity will deeply influence its psychological health and all other institutional attitudes.” He wrote in 1954 -- well before the degradations to womanhood brought about by the feminist movement -- that “It is a tragedy of our male-centered culture that women do not fully enough know how important they areas women.” Sadly, today so many women only know how important they are as men.

This is a tragedy of monumental proportions, in part because it also results in men not understanding their own role in terms of being men.

[...]Femaleness as a category is secure: its undeniable signs are menstruation and maternity. But manhood -- as opposed to mere biological maleness -- has no such obvious visible markers. Rather, it is something that must be constructed and achieved. The adaptive mechanism that allows males to become men is culture.

[...] This is why something very psychologically noxious happens when government becomes mother. A similar thing happens when God becomes mother or mother becomes God. It interferes with the primordial basis of culture qua culture, which is to convert boys to men. If that fails to happen -- as with the left -- then civilization either cannot form or will not be able to sustain and defend itself, since there will be no men or manhood, only Democrats, or women and children.

This would explain the (until recently) universal practice of various male initiation rituals, in which boys are sometimes brutally wrenched away from their mothers in order to facilitate male “rebirth” and full membership in the fellowship of men. Again, femaleness is given by biology, but maleness must be proven, not just to oneself, but to the group. If appropriate models are not given for this drive, we will simply have pathological versions of it, such as the urban youth gang, which is all about proving one’s manhood, only to other female-centered boys.

In fact, this is why so much contemporary rap and hip hop is so perversely male. In a matriarchal culture so lacking in male role models, these clueless boys are constantly trying to prove that they are what they imagine a man -- and themselves -- to be.

This is why they are such pathetic, brooding, aggressive, and hyper-sexualized caricatures of manhood. (And ultimately this results from female sexuality reverting back to the mother-infant diad, with no role for men.)

Other males -- we call them liberals -- often take women as their role models, with predictable results. They regard auto-castration as the quintessence of civilization and sophistication. They aren't really assertive in a male way, but a catty or bitchy way, like the New York Times or their quintessential shemale, Obama.

[...]Someone once said that men marry women hoping they'll never change, while women marry men hoping to change them. Someone wants to change us, big time. But a big part of manhood is preserving and defending the precious things that were created and handed down to us by our forefathers.

We are about to elect a feminized man whose official policy is to surrender to our enemies, so we have moved well beyond the theoretical to the actual. In the triangulated war between liberals, Islamists, and the left, only one side can win. Our side will lose if we run out of real men because we simply do not create enough of them. We will lose if we allow the new cutural ideal of the feminized adultolescent male to become the ideal. We will lose if we forget that an upright and noble man with the capacity for righteous violence is at the very foundation of civilization. [emphasis mine - Sig94]

I wonder if one of the reasons why the Roman Empire collapsed was because their emperors were catty and bitchy?

When Rome fell in 476 AD (the western empire in Italy, not Byzantium in Constantinople) to the barbarian Odoacer , he didn't even bother killing the last Emperor - Romulus Augustus. Augustulus was not perceived as any kind of threat and was allowed to retire. He was perceived to be a useless pussy.

Romulus Augustus, the last emperor of Rome, was a target of much mockery, already in his own day. For his name alone invited ridicule. Romulus being the legendary first king of Rome, and Augustus its glorious first emperor.

Hence both his names were at times transformed to reflect the public's disrespect for him. 'Romulus' was changed to Momyllus, which means 'little disgrace'. And 'Augustus' was turned into 'Augustulus', meaning 'little Augustus' or 'little emperor'.

It was the latter version which stuck with him throughout history, with many historians today still referring to him as Romulus Augustulus.

And this is where we are headed. Our sworn enemies, Islamists, support the trainwreck with ears as President. They know they can do much damage and be safe while they do it if this pansy is elected.

Some surveys indicate that the USA is not well respected or loved - fuggitaboutit. I would rather be feared and hated by our enemies.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Kiss My Royal Irish ,,,,

Remember what Mike Moran, the FDNY firefighter, said during the 9/11 memorial service?

Well, on Friday the entire nation of Ireland said the same thing to the European Union.

The long campaign to forge a new dispensation for the European Union descended into panic and uncertainty yesterday when Ireland turned its back on its 26 EU partners and voted down the Lisbon Treaty.

EU leaders in Brussels and governments across the union, particularly Germany and France, were stunned by the Irish verdict, which amounted to a huge vote of no confidence in the way the EU is run.

Erin Go Brea!

The referendum in Ireland was the sole popular vote in the EU on the grand plan to give Europe a sitting president and foreign minister, and reconfigure the way the EU is governed. The result left the project severely wounded, perhaps fatally.

The Irish voted by a 7% margin, 53.6 to 46.4, against the treaty, which has already been ratified by 18 EU countries and is expected to be endorsed by the other eight.

[...]Berlin and Paris moved swiftly last night to try to limit the damage, pressing Downing Street, according to sources in Brussels, not to make matters worse by abandoning Britain's ratification of the treaty, now in its final stages in the Lords.

When Hell Freezes Over, Drill It Too

That's what ANWAR looks like according to this editorial from Investor's Business Daily:

We already drill in Alaska. More than 15 billion barrels of oil have been sent down the Alaska pipeline from Prudhoe Bay, just 60 miles west of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, over the last three decades, much more than the six months' supply predicted by critics.

As Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman notes, the development "footprint" would be minimal: "ANWR, in its totality, is about the size of South Carolina, and the area where we believe the hydrocarbons are located is about the size of Delaware, not to mention the exploration site would be no larger than about the size of (Boston's) Logan International Airport."

As for the "pristine" wilderness, the tiny portion of ANWR where drilling would occur is what hell would look like if it ever froze over. Winter on the coastal plain lasts for nine months. Total darkness reigns for 58 days. The temperature drops to 70 degrees below zero without the wind chill. Your spit freezes before it hits the ground.

Drill early, drill often and drill now. Set those oil rigs up so thick that ANWR looks like a porcupine's asshole during a quill eruption.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

In The News

Call Hillary and see if she's missing a broomstick:

A UFO had a mid-air collision with a fighter jet over central Europe, a leaked report has revealed.

Defence chiefs are investigating claims that the Romanian MIG 21 fighter plane was struck by 'strange objects'.

The official report says the cockpit of the jet was shattered.

The impact on a training flight above Transylvania took only 67 milliseconds and was recorded on an in-flight video camera.

Pilot Marin Mitrica was slightly injured but managed to land the plane safely after the incident last year.

Maybe They Were Wearing Tights:

A SYDNEY teacher who filmed up the skirts of two teenage girls was not acting indecently even though the act was "offensive", his lawyer has argued in court.

Teacher Robert Ian Drummond, 41, allegedly used a camera hidden in a plastic bag to film up a 14-year-old's uniform at Warringah Mall on May 1 last year.

He is also charged with filming another teenage girl, believed to be 16 at the time, after a police search of Drummond's home after his arrest turned up another video.

Drummond has been charged with an act of indecency, an aggravated act of indecency, and with making and possessing child pornography. He has pleaded not guilty to all charges.

His lawyer Peter Gow told the court said the act of capturing the images was not indecent, and his client had never intended the girls to know what he had done.

All For About A Buck-Fifty, They Should Burn In Hell:

FOR a wad of worthless Zimbabwean banknotes, President Robert Mugabe's militias burnt six-year-old Nyasha Mashoko to death.

The target of the ZANU-PF thugs had been the boy's father, Brian Mamhova. They came for him on Friday night - three truckloads of them, plus a Mercedes-Benz from which alighted three armed men in suits, Mr Mamhova said. The militiamen had been promised $Z25 trillion to kill him, which seems a high price on the head of a district councillor but is no problem for a government that sees printing money as the best way out of a crisis."

[...]They locked the door where my wife was. They smashed the windows and threw petrol inside. Then they lit it," he said.

"Inside the house, my young brother broke the door. I thank God, otherwise they would be burnt, all of them. He took my nephew out of the room. Then he went back into the room and he took my wife, but it was late. She got 80per cent burnt. My son was burnt to pieces.

Good Luck With That:

Three islanders from Lesbos told a court Tuesday that gay women insult their home's identity by calling themselves lesbians.

The plaintiffs _ two women and a man _ are seeking to ban a Greek gay rights group from using the word "lesbian" in its name.

Also known as Mytilini, Lesbos was the home of the ancient poet Sappho, who praised love among women. It is a major travel destination for gay women.

The Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece "causes confusion by using a geographic term in connection with (the group's) special character and social action," said Dimitris Papadelis, a lawyer representing the plaintiffs.

Saturday, June 07, 2008


This is the story of Tony Martin, a man who is now pining away in a British prison because he had the termitiy to defend himself with a firearm. What happened to him WILL happen here if this Country doesn't wake up to the threat posed by the gun control fanatics.

Once you are done watching this video report, ask yourself this question:

"Why aren't British politicians being strung up from light poles?"

This is hilarious. At Transsylvania Phoenix, read a liberal's response to the video above and then the smackdown that follows. This definately left a mark and a brown streak besides.

wstpwstp said... Tinker45, Thanks for the thoughtful response (unlike glenn and bill07407 whose coments are kind of bone headed) Yes, I am a liberal and not a gun owner. But, NOWHERE in my post, do I suggest that Americans should be denied their right to bear arms, or support the idea of the US Government confiscating guns.

Just to set the record straight. I have lots of respect for the US Constitution. The UK has the right to make their own laws, and right or wrong, thousands of people there are in favor of very strict gun laws.

I DO think that laws should exist to control access to guns and how they are used.I have no objection to a sane adult owning a gun after mastering basic gun safety and legally obtaining a license.

It's like driving a car -- cars are useful, handy tools. However, in the wrong hands, a car is a deadly weapon that can be used to kill innocent people. Driving a car requires training and a license and sanity. When cars first were popularized a drivers license was as easy to get as a fishing license -- no test, no training, no requirements. Just plunk down a few dollars and away you go.

I don't believe that there is a god given right to drive cars and that anyone who can afford to buy a car should be allowed to drive it on the public roadways without jumping through all the hoops to help ensure public safety. Same thing with airplanes, for that matter.

I don't believe that any yahoo with cash and a copy of the Constitution in his pocket has the right to buy a gun and shoot anyone he wants whenever he gets scared or angry.

It's all a trade off -- responsibility for one's actions. You get a car to take you places etc. If you get drunk or scared or angry and run over someone with that car, you must assume responsibility for your act.

Mr Martin bought his gun and got a feeling of security from it. He got scared and killed a stupid kid. Maybe he could have scared him off with a warning shot, maybe he could have been a better shot and only wounded the kid. But, he killed him and must take responsibility for his action. That's the trade off for his feeling more secure. Maybe he could have gotten a little feeling of security by buying a can of Mace instead of a gun and still have driven off the burglars.

Yes - he was the victim of a crime, but his response was death-dealing, and there's a price for that. Had these guys attacked Mr Martin with a sword or a chain saw, the law would have allowed him to take a life to defend his life. To kill another human being to defend your television set -- not so much.

In the other case I mentioned, a mental patient waltzed into the local sheriff's office and walked out with a concealed weapon permit. The Sheriff's excuse was that the mental patient didn't mention that he was a mental patient at the time. This guy ended up shooting several people at a public festival filled with thousands of innocent people. Might have been MUCH worse.

Shouldn't there be a system that actually prevents this sort of thing from happening? In the UK, a person applying for a gun permit must submit two letters from responsible members of his community vouching for the applicant's character. Maybe that's not ideal, but it would probably stopped the mental patient from arming himself so easily.My post was mostly about that crappy propaganda film. I wonder who produced it - the NRA or the NRC?

Just as an aside, in NYS you must pass a criminal history check and have THREE responsible members of the community vouch fpor your character.

jlg said... wstpwstp said, "I have no objection to a sane adult owning a gun after mastering basic gun safety and legally obtaining a license."

Let's apply that idea to a reserved right other than the one covered by the Second Amendment. Start with the First:"I have no objection to a sane adult operating a printing press after mastering basic English and legally obtaining a license to speak freely."

"I have no objection to a sane adult being religious, after attending a government-run course on tolerance, and as long as his church is legally licensed."

"I have no objection to sane adults associating together, after they have submitted their fingerprints to the FBI for background checks, informed local law enforcement that they are associating, and their group is legally licensed with the state."

Fourth?"I have no objection to sane adults maintaining their privacy, after submitting a video montage containing their daily life routine, along with a list of their possessions, to the state, and obtaining approval for keeping these things private."

Or how about the Fifth?"I have no objection to a sane adult refusing to incriminate himself of a crime, as long as he has fully informed the state of his actual state of innocence or guilt, and has legally obtained a Non-Self-Incrimination license.

"Is any of this starting to make sense?

john said...
Let's just look at the comments from wstpwstp, you will see that liberal logic is birdbath deep and twice as filthy :

"I don't believe that any yahoo with cash and a copy of the Constitution in his pocket has the right to buy a gun and shoot anyone he wants whenever he gets scared or angry.

Yes, I am a liberal and not a gun owner."

This is the kind of retarded thinking that falls forth from a liberals mouth as a brilliant idea. Let's just parse our comrades first dictum, yes you can own a gun with just cash and the constitution because........the constitution says so (you gibbering idiot). Once again we must parse the twisted verses and logic of the cloudy liberal brain to ordain the true depths of stupidity : This person did not shoot "just anyone he wanted", he shot an invader in his house and his intent was not known because he assumed room temperature before he could continue with his rudimentary business model. We don't know if he was a burglar, rapist, vandal or someone who simply steals the man's porridge and dashes the contents on the cobblestone roads of Britain....thus making him a cereal killer. Anger or fear can be interchangeable in such situations and are not the catalyst of the process but instead the byproduct of it.

Admitting you are a liberal negates the need for stating "not a gun owner", oxymoron. It's like stating that I am welfare recipient and own cold fusion technology or particle accelerators as a hobby.

Now to analysis a statement so profoundly stupid that simply by reading it should negate the need to critique the cavernous holes of logic.

Maybe he could have scared him off with a warning shot, maybe he could have been a better shot and only wounded the kid.

It's like trying to explain physics to a gerbil but the honor will be in the attempt :

So the mere presence of the handgun itself was not enough for this poor innocent child of nature to flee into the lush green landscape like Bambi, he needed to hear the thunderous roar of a hand cannon to perceive that mortal danger was present. Better yet, you are to shoot up your own house first or sling shell into the atmosphere and put some other shmuck in London in the path of an "incoming" rather than drilling the miscreant where he stands.

Now for my favorite, where should I have wounded him? In the fleshy part of his head since so little is being used for thought? How about in the liver, a lifetime of dialysis would provide invaluable lessons in life, no....messy and someone has to pay for the dialysis. How about a nice leg shot? Well unless it hits a major artery in the leg and he bleeds out like a deer, guess that plan has more holes in it than a liberals skull. By the time a liberal has even made a decision to defend his silly house the thief has pawned the goods, copped a bag, got a bottle of malt liquor, has a mind numbing good buzz going and is coming back around to get the big screen TV that is playing the coronation of the ObaMessiah.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Le Grande Armée

French Army Falling Apart, Documents Show
Most of France's tanks, helicopters and jet fighters are unusable and its defence apparatus is on the verge of "falling apart", it has emerged.

From the UK Telegraph:

According to confidential defence documents leaked to the French press, less than half of France's Leclerc tanks – 142 out of 346 – are operational and even these regularly break down.

Less than half of its Puma helicopters, 37 per cent of its Lynx choppers and 33 per cent of its Super Frelon models – built 40 years ago – are in a fit state to fly, according to documents seen by Le Parisien newspaper.

Two thirds of France's Mirage F1 reconnaissance jets are unusable at present.

In 2006, France's total military forces were comprised of 254,900 personnel. In this respect they rank behind:
#1 China (2,255,000
#2 USA (1,474,000)
#3 India (1,325,000)
#4 North Korea (1,106,000)
#5 Russia (1,037,000)
#6 South Korea (687,700)
#7 Pakistan (619,000)
#8 Turkey (514,850)
#9 Vietnam (484,000)
#10 Iran (420,000)
#11 Germany (284,500)

(Source: Based primarily on material in the IISS Military Balance 2005-2006, London, Routledge, 2005 plus data drawn from USPACOM sources and US experts. Some data estimated or corrected by the authors.)

The disclosure comes just ten days before President Nicolas Sarkozy announces a major reform of the armed forces, with a defence white paper outlining France's military priorities for the next 15 years.

He is expected to argue that the situation can only improve by reducing the number of France's operational troops from 50,000 to 30,000, and its fighter aircraft, as well as closing military bases.

Instead of fixing busted tanks and fighter jets, the French want to reduce the number of men who need them. France's 2008 defense budget will drop to about 2% of GNP; the US is about 4%.

Eternal Father

Posting about the death of Karl Sensmeier and his service to our nation has put me in a very melancholy mood.

Where do we find the people to replace them? I thank God for the men and woman who serve in our Armed Forces, but what about the citizens who are supposed to stand behind and beside them? Our GI's cannot do it alone. Love of country, honor and obligation to serve seem to have been abadoned by our youth.

Because we are a republic and not an autocracy, our strength as a nation has always been in our commitment, our focus and our culture. Our culture was strongly bound in our faith and this has been severely weakened through decades of neglect and abuse.

In the Old Testament we see time and again how Israel turns from God, faces devastation and ruin, repents, and finds all over again that they can conquer adversity through their Creator.

Our great Nation, perchance, is on the cusp of such a lession. May God help us all.

I come from a Navy family. The hymn, "Eternal Father Strong To Save" was first published in 1860. In 1879 it was first used to conclude worship services at the Naval Academy and it still is today. It is also known as the Navy Hymn.

The lyrics were written by Rev. William Whiting of the Church of England. The music was written by John B. Dykes, also of the COE, in 1861.

Original Lyrics:
Eternal Father, Strong to save,
Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,
Who bid'st the mighty Ocean deep
Its own appointed limits keep;
O hear us when we cry to thee
For those in peril on the sea.

O Christ! Whose voice the waters heard
And hushed their raging at Thy word,
Who walked'st on the foaming deep,
And calm amidst its rage didst sleep;
Oh hear us when we cry to Thee
For those in peril on the sea!

Most Holy spirit! Who didst brood
Upon the chaos dark and rude,
And bid its angry tumult cease,
And give, for wild confusion, peace;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee
For those in peril on the sea!

O Trinity of love and power!
Our brethren shield in danger's hour;
From rock and tempest, fire and foe,
Protect them wheresoe'er they go;
Thus evermore shall rise to Thee,
Glad hymns of praise from land and sea.

D Day

The Courier Press has an article about a D Day veteran who passed away last February at the age of 89. He brought back from the war a priceless memo of the greatest invasion in military history. This is Karl Sensmeier, an Army MP who landed at Omaha Beach on June 6, 1944.

"It was so hot with fire that many GIs died before leaving the boat. I had to jump over the bodies when I hit the water."

[...] For years, memories of the carnage made him wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

Do you remember the horrific opening scenes from the movie, "Saving Private Ryan," where US soldiers are landing on the beach? The film representation of the violence was stunning, shocking.

Karl Sensmeier also watched the movie with his family; his reaction?

"As bad as the beginning sequences were, Dad said the real thing was much, much worse," Jeff Sensmeier says. "I don't think enough people realize what that generation went through so we could enjoy the lives we have today. The Depression. Global war. You can't say enough about their sacrifice."

This is the top secret map he was issued that shows the staging areas for all the troops landing at Omaha Beach. The map is now framed, hanging on a wall in his widow's house.

The carefully drawn scale representation shows where air corps personnel would be deployed as well as locations set aside for naval units and transportation elements.

"If the Germans had gotten hold of this before the invasion, they would have had a great deal of information about the landing and things would have been even worse for our forces," says Jeff Sensmeier, one the Sensmeier's four children.

We have already lost so many WWII vets. In perhaps fifteen years there may be none left.

We salute these brave men and women, all of them, who gave so much that we might enjoy the privileged lives we have now.

And God Created .....

A big B/T to my brother Bob for this.

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to 'Where do pets come from?'

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.' And God said, ' I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Your Attention Is Requested

My brother retired cop/blogger Cookie is busting his hump trying to set up a military hospitality room at the Syracuse International Airport. It seems like they roll up the runways and deflate the terminal around 2200 or so until 0700, stranding military personnel who are in transition from one assignment to another.

This is a pretty miserable way to treat men and women in service to their country.

Well, this situation got Cookie kinda riled and he is doing something about it. He sold his favorite French Maid outfit pestered the Airport, The Mayor of Syracuse (take my word for it, Cookie can be a major pain in the ass), local veteran organizations and the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Transgender Cocker Spaniels (Cookie is also a little strange) to secure a lease on a small, unused room at the airport.

The room has been freshened (those weird cocker spaniels really stink) and it is scheduled to open on July 3.

Now Cookie needs some cash in a big hurry to purchase food and beverages so volunteers can provide our armed service people some simple comforts 24/7. Even if it is just a hot cuppa and a donut it is much better than what they have now, especially with a sympathetic ear doing the serving.

To make your tax deductible donation, please make a check out to "The Marine Corps League", and make an entry into the "memo" line in the lower left of your check, "Airport Project." Please send your check to:

Loren Davies, Commandant
Emerald City Detachment #877
Marine Corps League
P.O. Box 393
Chittenango, New York 13037

or email Mr. Davies at for other arrangements.

Cookie has given me his personal assurance that he will not use these funds to buy the fancy fishnet stockings he always had a hankering for and that the French Maid outfit didn't fit anyway.

That is all.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Small World

I was downloading pictures of our weekend in Lake George. My daughter who recently graduated from college was looking at them when she yelled, "That's John!" John was in one of her classes at Binghamton University.

This is John. He is in the uniform of a British Grenadier.

John was part of the history tour at Fort William Henry. He did an excellent job and he is a literal fount of information about the Fort and the events of the era..

There were some other fascinating tidbits about the Fort. The French captured over forty cannons when Monroe surrendered. Some of them ended up in the bottom of Lake George for one reason or another. This is one of them:

When this 32 pounder was dredged up some fifty years ago it was thought to be a French cannon as it had French markings on the breech. But as the corrosion was cleaned off the original British castings were discovered. The gun carraige is that of a field piece and is obviously not the original. But there was something interesting. Someone spiked the gun so it could not be used. So who spiked it? The English when they lost the fort or the French when they were driven out of Northern New York?

Lastly, there is this interesting memento from the French and Indian War. Aside from the seige of Fort William Henry, there were many skirmishes between British and French scouting parties around the Lake. One of those skirmishes involved two British soldiers who were on a small lake craft when attacked. They threw or dropped their muskets overboard. It would seem that they were captured as British soldiers were required to pay for any weapons that they lost.

These muskets were also recovered - still loaded with powder and shot as the following shows.

The musket stocks were already well vitrified after 200 years in the lake. To vitrify means to turn into glass. I am not sure if this is what the authors of the following article in the display case meant to say.

We're going to go back either in the fall or next summer, 'cept next year we'll go during the Americade. The bikes that we did see were incredible. Plus we want to go to Fort Ticonderoga.

There is an interesting story about Fort Ticonderoga. The famed Black Watch suffered one of their greatest military defeats here in July of 1758.

Before the Civil War and Antietam, the bloodiest battle fought on American soil was here, on a narrow but strategically vital strip of land between Lake Champlain and Lake George.

A 15,000-strong British army sailed up Lake George 250 years ago this summer, intent on taking Fort Ticonderoga, France's southernmost outpost in the region. The French, outnumbered nearly five to one but well fortified, hastily built 8-foot-high log barriers as the enemy approached.

The name Ticonderoga still resonates among veterans of Scotland's most revered military regiment, the Black Watch, but not because the fight went well for their predecessors.

[...]"They go in 1,000 strong and lose 500," British author Stephen Brumwell said of the Black Watch casualties as he stood on the fort's wind-swept ramparts, not far from where hundreds of his countrymen are buried.

There is a ceremony at the Fort this July commemorating the 250th anniversary of the battle.

Almost 2,000 British troops in all were killed, wounded or captured at Ticonderoga, along with some 440 Frenchmen.

Veterans of the Black Watch, which has been merged with other British military units after nearly three centuries as an independent regiment, will join British, Canadian and American active military personnel here in July for a memorial service marking the 250th anniversary of the Battle of Carillon, also known as the Battle of Ticonderoga.

The name Ticonderoga lives on at a desert base camp in Iraq named by a British unit.

"They still haven't forgotten," Brumwell, author of several books on the 18th-century British military in North America, said during a recent history conference. "For them it's a very poignant moment, this massive shedding of blood. The British are great fans of these glorious defeats."

[...] The Ticonderoga battle, fought on July 8, 1758, saw about 3,200 French troops under the command of the Marquis de Montcalm turn back several frontal assaults on their defenses. The Black Watch was held in reserve, but the kilt-clad Highlanders couldn't stay out of the fray and rushed the French lines without orders.

The British took the fort a year later after a siege and renamed it.

It Brings Tears To My Eyes

H/T to Paul Clithero

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Tomahawks, Tatoos And Sideburns

We had a great time in Lake George (originally named Lac Du St. Sacrement by the French). The weather wasn't all that great but the restaurants were. We toured Fort William Henry and got to see the newest in rescue and tow equipment at the conference center next door to the fort.

There was a rather bizarre confluence of tatoos and sideburns though,; we arrived just before the opening of the annual 2008 Americade motorcycle festival and the closing of the Elvis Impersonators festival. Between the early arrivers for the one and late departures for the other, it made for some interesting dinner companions.

But all in all it was a real slice of Americana in a small village situated at the end of a lake that 220 years ago dominated world events. I was surprised that the movie, "The Last of The Mohicans" starring Daniel Day-Lewis was a fairly realistic protrayal of the role that Lake George played in the French and Indian Wars.

The seige of Fort William Henry actually did occur in Agust of 1757. The Fort was surrendered by Colonel Monroe when General Webb refused to come to his assistance. And after the surrender there was a massacre, well - sort of, by the Indian allies of the french general, General Marquis de Montcalm. But it appears to be mostly pillaging by the Indians of the defeated Redcoats with some loss of life, but no where near the scale depicted by the movie.

Col. Monro, speaking of his regular troops, gave 129 killed and wounded - including the siege - as his estimates. Regarding the militia, he says, "No Regular Accot Could be got from the Provincials but their Numbers Kill'd Could not be Less than Four Officers & about 40 Men. And very near as many Men Wounded." Roubard stated killed could number "hardly more than forty or fifty." Another man stated, "Near Thirty Carcasses, however, were actually seen ..." There is no doubt some killing occurred, but, by and large, the picture was one of Indians taking, from terrified soldiers, baggage and clothing they felt was due them.

It was a scene of pawing, grabbing, poking & touching. When a soldier resisted stiffly, he may have been knocked down, beaten, scalped or killed. Indians had learned from Oswego that a soldier was worth more alive than dead. The French would pay handsomely for the return of prisoners. So, as the soldiers broke and ran, the Indians pursued. They gathered booty, and collected prisoners. It was undoubtedly a scene of utter pandemonium and terror, but the "massacre" as film and some historians have presented it, just never did occur. At some point, the French did help restore some semblance of order. Though hundreds streamed in well before, the remnants of the column, including Col. George Monro, did arrive at Fort Edward, under French guard, on August 14.

Col. George Monro was not killed by an Indian Chietain who then cut out the Colonel's heart and ate it. The good Colonel's health was broken after the siege and it was reported that he died of apoplexy three months later on November 3, 1757. Others who are not so charitable say that he took a tumble while leaving his favorite Albany pub and died due to the consequences of his fall.

General Marquis de Montcalm did not live much longer than Col. Monro. He died on September 14, 1759 while fighting the British at Quebec.