The USS Reagan is a beautiful, purposeful and powerful expression of American military might.
Next is the USS William Jefferson Clinton.
The USS Clinton is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton for his foresight in military budget cuts and his conduct while holding the (formerly dignified) Office of President.
The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum beer cans and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which, although they cannot be launched on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.
As a standing order there are no firearms or any type of weapon allowed on board. This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs. An onboard Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may seem hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.
In times of conflict or whenever threatened, the USS William Jefferson Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada.
And last but not least....
The USS Barack Hussein Obama
The specifications for this craft are as vague as the President's past and the performance of this craft is as unstable as his economic policies.
Like the President it represents, this craft
1. Cannot not pass inspection
2. Is crewed by incompetents and communists
3. Cannot operate in European waters
4. Defends itself by "area denying" defecation and denial
5. When defeated in the simplest of exercises, the USS Obama blames other US Navy vessels for its failures and hightails it back to base.
H/T to my cop buddy Al.