Friday, October 23, 2009

US Navy Honors Our Presidents

The newest addition to our nations fleet of nuclear powered aircraft carriers is also a tribute to one of our nation's great Presidents, the USS Ronald Reagan. In the background in the USS Arizona Memorial. See how she dwarfs the Memorial.

The USS Reagan is a beautiful, purposeful and powerful expression of American military might.

Her top speed exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors that can operate for more than 20 years without refueling. Her capabilities are as awesome as her appearance:
1. Expected to operate in the fleet for about 50 years
2. Carries over 80 combat aircraft
3. Three arresting cables can stop a 28-ton aircraft going 150 miles per hour in less than 400 feet
Specifications:
1. Towers 20 stories above the waterline
2. 1,092 feet long; nearly as long as the Empire State Building is tall
3. Flight deck covers 4.5 acres
4. Driven by 4 bronze propellers, each 21 feet across, each weighing 66,200 pounds
5. Steered by 2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet and weighing 50 tons apiece
6. Has 4 high speed aircraft elevators, each over 4,000 square feet in area
7. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel
8. Carries enough food and supplies to operate for 90 days
9. For her crew - 18,150 meals served daily
10. Salt water distillation plants provide 400,000 gallons of fresh water daily, enough fresh water to serve 2,000 homes
11. Nearly 30,000 light fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable and wiring as well as 1,400 telephones


Next is the USS William Jefferson Clinton.

The USS Clinton is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton for his foresight in military budget cuts and his conduct while holding the (formerly dignified) Office of President.

The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum beer cans and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which, although they cannot be launched on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms or any type of weapon allowed on board. This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs. An onboard Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may seem hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.

In times of conflict or whenever threatened, the USS William Jefferson Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada.

And last but not least....

The USS Barack Hussein Obama

The specifications for this craft are as vague as the President's past and the performance of this craft is as unstable as his economic policies.

Like the President it represents, this craft
1. Cannot not pass inspection
2. Is crewed by incompetents and communists
3. Cannot operate in European waters
4. Defends itself by "area denying" defecation and denial
5. When defeated in the simplest of exercises, the USS Obama blames other US Navy vessels for its failures and hightails it back to base.

H/T to my cop buddy Al.

11 comments:

USA_Admiral said...

This is the work of a genius. I am going to link to this.

sig94 said...

Thank you.

fuzzys dad said...

Love it

Proof said...

What a great tribute to Reagan! And what a fitting legacy for those other guys!

Right-Wing Libertarian said...

Outstanding post, sir! USA_Admiral sent me.

JihadGene said...

Funny as hell and sad as hell, all at once! Very well done!!!

sig94 said...

This non-humorous attributes of this comparison will become even more apparent over the years. I fear for our great Nation.

FORGER said...

Bravo, sir.

Subvet said...

LMOA!! Thanks, I needed that!

The British Bird. said...

awesome post!

MightyMom said...

stinking hilarious!!!!!