Hey, Check Out My New...

I have done a bunch of stupid things over the years and, for the most part, I would just as soon forget I ever did them. I certainly would not choose to distribute these memories across the vast expanse of the internet. Yet that is exactly what some folk do. Like this guy. For what you are about to see, thank my buddy Al, another retired cop.


Something went very wrong here. No degree in brain surgery required, just look at the hole in the sneaker. Looks like a .45 caliber hole.

Ooops. First the front.

Then the back.

I think that bit o'white neath the nail is bone.

In The Land Of Hookers

Really, why play with yourself in the Land O' Cheap Hookers?

David Carradine's death in Bangkok should probably be classified as "sexual misadventure" and let his relatives retire into the shadows to deal with the grief and shame.

Law enforcement has been dealing with these kinds of deaths for decades. I remember when the first local case happened in the early-80's when a 12 year old boy hung himself with a jump rope while amusing himself over a lingerie catalogue. It is called auto-erotic asphyxiation.

We also had a suspicious death in the late 70's where a half naked victim was found with a thin cord wrapped around his neck; the body was dumped outside the city. Allegedly the victim was attending a party when the "accident" occured. This is called "asphyxiaphilia" when two people are involved and one is depriving the other of oxygen - more commonly referred to as choking.

Supposedly this activity heightens the sexual experience. I have absolutely no idea if this is true and I have no interest in obtaining first hand knowledge.

As evidence technicians we have to respond to all kinds of embarrassing investigations, - embarrassing to the family - when brother, dad or grand dad checks out in the middle of something that they would rather their family not find out.

This is a dangerous activity as there is only a three minute window to restore Oh Two to the chokee. Anything after that and there will most likely be brain damage - or death.

Which brings me to this point. Why in the world did a guy like Carradine bother with this auto erotic stuff when he had easy and inexpensive access to any number of prostitutes?

There are on line instruction manuals on how to get laid in Thailand for crying out loud. There are Thai bars that openly advertise for perverts. A short time girl (2 - 3 hours) will run 350 baht. A baht is just under 3 cents.

Do the math (it's less than $3.50) - so for five bucks you can have a Happy Meal ™ too.

Leave the jump rope at home in the kids' toy box.

An Elephant's Faithful 100%

I gained a lot of weight after I stopped smoking.

Once or twice a month I find myself in this situation...

The neighbors raise all kindsa hell at the braying and trumpeting.

A big H/T to Charlie the Cop.

Obama Man

This is a great video clip! The Obama Man...

When Soldiers Have Too Much Time On Their Hands

Her buddies stuffed her into a dryer in the barracks dorm.

She fits pretty good.

Glad to see she's still flexible.

The Model 1917

This is my newest stimulus to the firearms industry - a nickel plated S&W mod 1917 in 45 ACP .

I bought it today and as soon as I get my permit amended I'll bring it home, probably Monday or Tuesday.

The model 1917 was introduced to supplement the 1911 semiautomatic Colt pistol during WWI. It uses moon clips to load the .45 ACP cartridge (which are rimless).

These clips can be bent, introducing primer strike problems. Therefore under combat conditions this is not the most reliable weapon to have at your side. There are .45 auto rim cartridges which do not need the clip but these are very hard to find.

From the William B. Umstead World War I Collection, North Carolina Collection Gallery, University of North Carolina Chapel Hill:

American soldiers after World War I were allowed to keep the bulk of their military gear and clothing after they were discharged. Government-issued side arms and some other items, however, had to be purchased. On the day of his discharge at Camp (now Fort) Dix, New Jersey, on April 9, 1919, Umstead paid eighteen dollars for his 45-caliber Smith & Wesson revolver (U.S. Model 1917), its holster, and belt. [...] The serial number on Umstead's revolver—12375—confirms that it was made fairly early in the weapon's production run. Smith & Wesson manufactured 169,959 Model 1917 revolvers before the United States government cancelled its contract with the company in January 1919.

In the 1950's and 1960's mail order companies were selling these WWI relics for as low as $50, perhaps even less.

Texans, Ya Gotta Love 'Em

In San Antonio, TX, a would be robber met his match inside a pharmacy.

The robbery suspect entered the Babcock Square Pharmacy around 9 a.m. at 5824 Babcock Rd. Inside were the owner/pharmacist, his wife, and an employee. The employee saw the man had a gun and told the pharmacist, who then pulled out his own handgun.

Seeing this, the robber reportedly responded by saying “Let’s get it on.” That’s when the owner shot him. The man died inside the business.

He might as well have said, "Let's get dead."

Idiots with guns deserve to die.

Minty Fresh Nostrils

From the UK Telegraph - some items that formerly belonged to Elvis Presley are going on the auctioneer's block. These items now belong to Elvis' former personal physician, Dr. George Nichopoulos.

One item is a sinus douche, pictured below.
I kid you not.
Dr. Nichopoulus kept this puppy near and dear to him since Presley's death in 1977, almost 32 years ago.
I had no idea they made such things. It looks like it could be used in waterboarding.

There appears to be a garden hose or air compressor attachment in the middle.

Some Honest Advice

According to Snopes, the following letters are real. The response to the letter from the President of General Motors was written in December, 2008 by the President of this company. His name is Greg Knox. This is his picture. Greg is the real deal.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dear Employees & Suppliers,

Congress and the current Administration will soon determine whether to provide immediate support to the domestic auto industry to help it through one of the most difficult economic times in our nation's history. Your elected officials must hear from all of us now on why this support is critical to our continuing the progress we began prior to the global financial crisis.As an employee or supplier, you have a lot at stake and continue to be one of our most effective and passionate voices.

I know GM can count on you to have your voice heard.
Thank you for your urgent action and ongoing support.

Troy Clarke
President,
General Motors North America
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Response from:

Gregory Knox, Pres.
Knox Machinery Company
Franklin , Ohio

Gentlemen:
In response to your request to contact legislators and ask for a bailout for the Big Three automakers please consider the following, and please pass my thoughts on to Troy Clarke, President of General Motors North America.

Politicians and Management of the Big 3 are both infected with the same entitlement mentality that has spread like cancerous germs in 20 UAW halls for the last countless decades, and whose plague is now sweeping this nation, awaiting our new "messiah," Pres-elect Obama, to wave his magic wand and make all our problems go away, while at the same time allowing our once great nation to keep "living the dream." Believe me folks, The dream is over!

This dream where we can ignore the consumer for years while management myopically focuses on its personal rewards packages at the same time that our factories have been filled with the worlds most overpaid, arrogant, ignorant and laziest entitlement minded "laborers" without paying the price for these atrocities. This dream where you still think the masses will line up to buy our products for ever and ever.

Don't even think about telling me I'm wrong. Don't accuse me of not knowing of what I speak. I have called on Ford, GM, Chrysler, TRW, Delphi, Kelsey Hayes, American Axle, and countless other automotive OEM's throughout the Midwest , during the past 30 years and what I've seen over those years in these union shops can only be described as disgusting.

Troy Clarke, President of General Motors North America, states: "There is widespread sentiment throughout this country, and our government, and especially via the news media, that the current crisis is completely the result of bad management which it certainly is not." You're right Mr. Clarke, it's not JUST management.

How about the electricians who walk around the plants like lords in feudal times, making people wait on them for countless hours while they drag ass so they can come in on the weekend and make double and triple time for a job they easily could have done within their normal 40 hour work week.

How about the line workers who threaten newbies with all kinds of scare tactics for putting out too many parts on a shift and for being too productive.(We certainly must not expose those lazy bums who have been getting overpaid for decades for their horrific underproduction, must we?!?) Do you folks really not know about this stuff?

How about this great sentiment abridged from Mr. Clarke's sad plea: "over the last few years we have closed the quality and efficiency gaps with our competitors." What the hell has Detroit been doing for the last 40 years?!? Did we really JUST wake up to the gaps in quality and efficiency between us and them? The K car vs. the Accord? The Pinto vs. the Civic?!? Do I need to go on? What a joke!

We are living through the inevitable outcome of the actions of the United States auto industry for decades. It's time to pay for your sins, Detroit .

I attended an economic summit last week where brilliant economist, Alan Beaulieu, from the Institute of Trend Research , surprised the crowd when he said he would not have given the banks a penny of "bailout money." "Yes, he said, this would cause short term problems," but despite what people like politicians and corporate magnates would have us believe, the sun would in fact rise the next day and the following very important thing would happen. Where there had been greedy and sloppy banks, new efficient ones would pop up. That is how a free market system works. It does work if we would only let it work."

But for some nondescript reason we are now deciding that the rest of the world is right and that capitalism doesn't work - that we need the government to step in and "save us". Save us my ass, Hell - we're nationalizing and unfortunately too many of our once fine nation's citizens don't even have a clue that this is what is really happening.

But, they sure can tell you the stats on their favorite sports teams.
Yeah - THAT'S really important, isn't it?

Does it ever occur to ANYONE that the "competition" has been producing vehicles, EXTREMELY PROFITABLY, for decades in this country? How can that be??? Let's see. Fuel efficient. Listening to customers. Investing in the proper tooling and automation for the long haul.

Not being too complacent or arrogant to listen to Dr.. W Edwards Deming four decades ago when he taught that by adopting appropriate principles of management, organizations could increase quality and simultaneously reduce costs. Ever increased productivity through quality and intelligent planning. Treating vendors like strategic partners, rather than like "the enemy." Efficient front and back offices. Non union environment.

Again, I could go on and on, but I really wouldn't be telling anyone anything they really don't already know down deep in their hearts.

I have six children, so I am not unfamiliar with the concept of wanting someone to bail you out of a mess that you have gotten yourself into - my children do this on a weekly, if not daily basis, as I did when I was their age. I do for them what my parents did for me (one of their greatest gifts, by the way) - I make them stand on their own two feet and accept the consequences of their actions and work through it. Radical concept, huh. Am I there for them in the wings? Of course - but only until such time as they need to be fully on their own as adults.

I don't want to oversimplify a complex situation, but there certainly are unmistakable parallels here between the proper role of parenting and government. Detroit and the United States need to pay for their sins.

Bad news people - it's coming whether we like it or not the newly elected Messiah really doesn't have a magic wand big enough to "make it all go away." I laughed as I heard Obama "reeling it back in" almost immediately after the final vote count was tallied. "We really might not do it in a year or in four." Where the Hell was that kind of talk when he was RUNNING for office.

Stop trying to put off the inevitable folks. That house in Florida really isn't worth $750,000. People who jump across a border really don't deserve free health care benefits. That job driving that forklift for the Big 3 really isn't worth $85,000 a year. We really shouldn't allow Wal-Mart to stock their shelves with products acquired from a country that unfairly manipulates their currency and has the most atrocious human rights infractions on the face of the globe. That couple whose combined income is less than $50,000 really shouldn't be living in that $485,000 home.

Let the market correct itself folks - it will.. Yes it will be painful, but it's gonna' be painful either way, and the bright side of my proposal is that on the other side of it all, is a nation that appreciates what it has and doesn't live beyond its means and gets back to basics and redevelops the patriotic work ethic that made it the greatest nation in the history of the world and probably turns back to God..

Sorry - don't cut my head off, I'm just the messenger sharing with you the "bad news". I hope you take it to heart.

Gregory J. Knox, President
Knox Machinery, Inc.
Franklin , Ohio 45005

Amazing Facts

What is true and what isn't?

Orcas (killer whales), when traveling in groups, breathe in unison
In 2002, the most popular boat name in the U.S. was Liberty
One out of 20 people have an extra rib
Prior to 1966, TV dinners were only available in black and white
44% of kids watch television before they go to sleep
In 1865, the U.S. Secret Service was established to combat the counterfeiting of money
One out of every 50,000 shrimp is born already breaded
Istanbul, Turkey is the only city in the world located on two continents
Japanese research has concluded that moderate drinking can boost IQ levels
Carpenter ants have been used to close wounds in India, Asia and South America
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes
The first couple to be shown on a sitcom sleeping in the same bed was "Mary Kay and Johnny."
In 2005, snow ants were responsible for collapsing 137 Eskimo igloos in Alaska
Asthma affects one in fifteen children under the age of eighteen
A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 mg of caffeine

The true stuff I got from here; the made up stuff I got from my wife's cousin who is crazy as a loon.

To Those Who Are, And Were, Soldiers

Sgt. MacKenzie

Lay me down in the cold cold ground
Where before many more have gone
Lay me down in the cold cold ground
Where before many more have gone

When they come I will stand my ground
Stand my ground I’ll not be afraid
Thoughts of home take away my fear
Sweat and blood hide my veil of tears

Once a year say a prayer for me
Close your eyes and remember me
Never more shall I see the sun
For I fell to a Germans gun

Lay me down in the cold cold ground
Where before many more have gone
Lay me down in the cold cold ground
Where before many more have gone

Where before many more have gone

In memory of Sgt. Charles Stuart MacKenzie
Seaforth Highlanders
Who along with many others gave up his life
So that we can live free
We will remember them

Abe Lincoln Was A Very Wise Man

"The philosophy of the school room in one generation will be the philosophy of government in the next. " -A. Lincoln

This truly scares me for I have seen this transformation already.

As a nation we are gone in another 50 years.

Get On With It Asshole

There you are, minding your own business, standing on a bridge railing on the Haizhu Bridge in Guangzhou in southeast China (about 75 miles NW of Hong Kong), overlooking a precipice.

You are contemplating whether or not to take that final step into Eternity. Thoughts of lost loved ones, past failures, future disappointments and present woes flood your thought processes. What are you thinking.

Is there an Afterlife?
Will I see my loved ones again?
Is suicide a sin?
Is there General Tso's Chicken the way I like it on the Other Side?
Is there sex after Death?
Do I really want to have sex with a dead person?

You stand there for five hours contemplating these thoughts until some guy sitting in stalled traffic for those five soul-searching hours has finally had enough of your self-absorbed bull shit and tosses your ass off the bridge.

From the UK Telegraph:

Lian Jiansheng, 66, a retired soldier, broke through a police cordon and reached out to shake the hand of the would-be jumper, Chen Fuchao, before pushing him off the bridge.

"I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interests," Mr Lai was quoted as saying by the China Daily newspaper.

He added: "They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities' attention to their appeals."

Chen fell only 10 yards on to a partially inflated emergency air cushion and was treated in hospital with wrist and back injuries. Mr Lian was detained by police.

Chen, who said he had debts of two million yuan (£200,000) because of his involvement in a failed building project, was at least the twelfth person since early April to threaten suicide at the same spot, the Haizhu bridge in Guangzhou.

But none have jumped and - until Mr Lian gave Chen a helping hand - none have been pushed.

Good bye asshole.

1st & 2nd Amendments Combined

From Strategy Page.

If they could only somehow stick a blender on it so I could make a Smoothie™ at the same time.

Rejuvenate Your Eyeglasses

I was so disgusted.
I spent almost $400 on my last set of eeyeglass and in barely a year the lenses were so fouled up from little tiny scratches that I was peering through a haze. The eyeglass guy told me that the anti-reflective coating on my glasses was fragile and that it "checkers" when it gets scratched. Of course the warranty for the coating was only good for a year.

So I bought a replacement set of lens for an older set of spare glasses I had, but this time I ordered glass lens with no coatings smeared on them. The blasted things killed my ears and punched deep crevices in the bridge of my nose. I had them re-adjusted but after a half hour or so - same thing. I can almost use the dents in the bridge of my nose as foxholes.

So I went to the interweb tubes to see what could be done. I googled "scratched eyeglass lenses" and found a reference to Armor Etch. This is a glass etching cream that you place in a stencil over glass. Leave it in for five miinutes or so and it etches the stencil pattern into the glass.

But it also removes the anti-reflective coating from plastic or polycarbonate lenses.
Look here.

It really works like a charm. I got a 3 oz. bottle of Armor Etch from our near by artsy fartsy store (Michaels) for $15; ran home and cleaned my year-old messed up glasses real good. Then I smeared this stuff over one of my lens on both sides with a Q-Tip.

I left the etching solution on for about five minutes and then rinsed it off under running water, used some eyeglass cleaner to get the rest of it off and then dried the lens with one of the kids' old diapers that we keep stuffed in a kitchen drawer just for this purpose.

It was like a miracle. It took two sessions with the Armor Etch but all those scratches were completely gone. But something else showed up. The characters O and 22 now show up just where the progressive trifocal portion of the lens starts; it is off center to the exterior or "outside"side of the lens - on both lens in exactly the same spot. I really can't notice it when I am wearing them but I still wonder why those markings are there.

On The Case

Where's Columbo when we need him?

Ah . . Sorry to bother you Mr. Obama, Sir. . .Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean President Obama, Sir. Um . . I know you're busy, and important and stuff. I mean running the country is very important and -- ah -- I hate to bother you Sir. I will only take a minute. Ok Sir?

See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was wondering Sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and things.Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like this on TV all the time and says boy she wishes she had digs like this you know?

Is that painting real? Really? Wow. I saw something like that in a museum once! Oh, sorry Sir. I didn't mean to get off the track. So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island Sir? No? I didn't think so...

Well, listen, anyway, I can't seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be "Not released" or "Not available." I'm sure it's just an oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are -- I -- I have them written down here somewhere -- oh wait. Sorry about the smears. It was raining out. I'll just read it to you. Could you please help me find these things Sir?

1. Occidental College records -- Not released

2. Columbia College records -- Not released

3. Columbia Thesis paper -- "Not available"

4. Harvard College records -- Not released

5. Selective Service Registration -- Not released

6. Medical records -- Not released

7. Illinois State Senate schedule -- Not available

8. Your Illinois State Senate records -- Not available

9. Law practice client list -- Not released

10. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate -- Not released

11. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth -- Not released

12. Record of your baptism -- Not available

Oh and one more thing, Sir, I can't seem to find any articles you published as editor of the Harvard Law Review, or as a Professor at the University of Chicago. Can you explain that to me, Sir? Oh but, hey -- listen! I know you're busy! If this is too much for you right now -- I mean -- tell you what. I'll come back tomorrow. Give you some time to get these things together, y' know? I mean, I know you're busy. I'll just let myself out. I'll be back tomorrow. And the day after...

What's that Mr. President? Who wants to know these things? We the People of the United States of America ! You know, the ones that vote.

Hat tip to my "big" Sis, Caren. Her birthday is eight days after mine and for that period of time - we are the same age. It used to be important.

Obama Reveals Himself

You can tell how a man thinks by the way he reveals his priorities, because his priorities are reflected in his actions. Obama today announced a measly $18 billion cut in his $3.4 trillion dollar budget.

But where did those cuts occur? Primarily at the expense of the military and the widows of slain police officers.

WASHINGTON (AP) - The Obama administration wants to cut almost in half a benefits program for the families of slain police and safety officers.

The president's proposed budget calls for cutting the Public Safety Officers' Death Benefits Program from $110 million to $60 million.

Justice Department budget documents say the reduction is being made because "claims are anticipated to decrease" because the number of officers killed in the line of duty has been decreasing.

On the military side:

Obama would cut nearly $3.4 billion from proposed equipment purchases, such as the F-22 fighter plane and combat systems for vehicles, as well as recruitment and retention for the armed forces.

Widows and heroes, that's who he went after.

A Warning Shot

This is a double-edged news story.
Last month, April 16, the Governor of Montana signed legislation in effect defying federal firearms laws. Any weapons or ammunition that are manufactured in Montana and kept within the state are immune from federal regulation as there is no interstate commerce.

Gov. Brian Schweitzer has signed into law a bill that aims to exempt Montana-made guns from federal regulation, adding firepower to a battery of legislative efforts to assert states’ rights across the nation.

“It’s a gun bill, but it’s another way of demonstrating the sovereignty of the state of Montana,” Democrat Schweitzer said.

Since the law applies only to those guns that are made and kept in Montana, its impact is limited. The state is home to just a handful of specialty gun makers, known for recreating rifles used to settle the West, and most of their customers are out-of-state.

But supporters of the new law hope it triggers a court case testing the legal basis for federal rules governing gun sales.

“What we need here is for Montana to be able to handle Montana’s business and affairs,” bill sponsor Rep. Joel Boniek, a Republican and wilderness guide from Livingston, told fellow lawmakers during the bill’s House debate.

The measure is one of many introduced by state lawmakers across the nation seeking to confront what some see as a federal overreach into state matters that will be extended with the national stimulus plan.

Second, so far this news has been ignored by the major media.

Google the following: "Montana Gun Laws" or any derivative. You'll find that not a single major news source has any links to this story. Not one. The link above is from a newspaper based in Helena, the capital city of Montana. I guess they couldn't ignore it.

There is absolutely no chance that New York State will even consider much less pass a law like this. You have a better chance of Janet Reno starting a new career as a pole dancer.

Contrast

THEN:

"Urge all of your men to pray, not alone in church, but everywhere. Pray when driving. Pray when fighting. Pray alone. Pray with others. Pray by night and pray by day. Pray for the cessation of immoderate rains, for good weather for Battle. Pray for the defeat of our wicked enemy whose banner is injustice and whose good is oppression. Pray for victory. Pray for our Army, and Pray for Peace. We must march together, all out for God."

“God of our fathers, who by land and sea have ever lead us to victory, please continue your inspiring guidance in this the greatest of all conflicts. Strengthen my soul so that the weakening instinct of self-preservation, which besets all of us in battle, shall not blind me to my duty to my own manhood, to the glory of my calling, and to my responsibility to my fellow soldiers. Grant to our armed forces that disciplined valor and mutual confidence which insures success in war. Let me not mourn for the men who have died fighting, but rather let me be glad that such heroes have lived. If it be my lot to die, let me do so with courage and honor in a manner which will bring the greatest harm to the enemy, and please, oh Lord, protect and guide those I shall leave behind. Give us the victory, Lord.”

George S. Patton Jr.

NOW:

(CNN) -- For the past eight years, the White House recognized the National Day of Prayer with a service in the East Room, but this year, President Obama decided against holding a public ceremony.

We are now a much poorer nation.
Not financially ... spiritually.

A Great Day

Today is our anniversary; 27 years with the same wonderful gal.

In honor of this achievement, and being the warm, caring, loving husband that I am, I decided to do something special.

I went turkey hunting for the first time. We hunted on state land in South Otselic. It is really very beautiful, rolling farmland.

No, we didn't see a single tom, just some hens.

We're going out again tomorrow morning.

That's my trusty 1100. I have had it for over thirty years.

This is my SIL trying to call in some toms.

This is our friend Rob. Walking behind him I swore I was behind Chewbacca.

You don't want to piss off a Wookie.

Oh, yeah. Since it's our anniversary. I got my best gal some flowers, some cards and we are going out to eat at a brand new restaurant in Manlius called the Saucy Swan.

I did change my clothes.