Parliment Of The Apes

It may be a good idea to stay away from Hispanole for a while. They have gone completely nutzoid. They must be mixing crack with the sangria.

MADRID (Reuters) - Spain's parliament voiced its support on Wednesday for the rights of great apes to life and freedom in what will apparently be the first time any national legislature has called for such rights for non-humans.

Parliament's environmental committee approved resolutions urging Spain to comply with the Great Apes Project, devised by scientists and philosophers who say our closest genetic relatives deserve rights hitherto limited to humans.

"This is a historic day in the struggle for animal rights and in defense of our evolutionary comrades, which will doubtless go down in the history of humanity," said Pedro Pozas, Spanish director of the Great Apes Project.

This is an historic day all right. The Froot Loops have finally risen to the top of the milk bowl and booted out the sliced bananas.

"We have no knowledge of great apes being used in experiments in Spain, but there is currently no law preventing that from happening," Pozas said.

Keeping apes for circuses, television commercials or filming will also be forbidden and breaking the new laws will become an offence under Spain's penal code.

Keeping an estimated 315 apes in Spanish zoos will not be illegal, but supporters of the bill say conditions will need to improve drastically in 70 percent of establishments to comply with the new law.

The apes are also in line for social security benefits, free college tuition and low interest home mortgages.

They Got Their 100% DMR of Moonbat

BRUSSELS, Belgium — An animal lover was mauled to death by cheetahs after entering their cage at a zoo in northern Belgium, authorities and zoo officials said Monday.

Another PETA member graduates.

Karen Aerts, 37, of Antwerp, was found dead in the cage, Olmense Zoo spokesman Jan Libot said. Police said they ruled out any foul play.

Of course it wasn't foul play, it was feline play. Felines always play with their food.

Authorities believe Aerts, a regular visitor to the zoo, hid in the park late Sunday until it closed and managed to find the keys to the cheetah cage.

"Karen loved animals. Unfortunately the cheetahs betrayed her trust," Libot said.

One of the cats that killed Aerts was named Bongo, whom the woman had adopted under a special program. She paid for Bongo's food, Libot said.. [emphasis mine]

Just can't trust those cheetahs with a tasty moonbat in their cage. She certainly did throw herself, body and soul, into her commitment to the cheetahs. Bongo is very grateful and said *urp* just before he shat out her Birkenstocks. Authorities were grateful that she wasn't wearing Nikes because they tend to bind the big cats.

Animal rights group GAIA called for the immediate closure of the zoo, located 55 miles northeast of Brussels, saying it was unsafe for both visitors and the cats.

Aerts screwed up in that she didn't get the GAIA endorsement as a meat by product. You'd think instead that they'd name a special memorial medal for her. Or a new cat food product, maybe Aerts Bits or Fancy Feet.

The Impala Lost the 80m Relay

From Nelspruit, South Africa:

Lions killed an impala on a school sports field - shortly before an interschools tournament was to be held.

Staff at Skukuza Primary School in the Kruger National Park had to remove the carcass so that the athletics meeting could go ahead on Saturday.

"They killed the buck on the track itself - right on the 80m mark," said school principal Jannie Geldenhuys on Monday.

It's not the race that kills ya, it's the finish line.