Rip Off By The TENS

TENS - short for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation, is the application of electrical current through the skin for pain control. I have three cervical vertebrae with rather bad disc deterioration and bone spurs that impinge on the nerves going to my arms and hands; the pain in my left shoulder is considerable at times. It is getting worse.

After a year and a half of chiropractors and physical therapy that gave short term relief my orthopedic doctor gave me perscriptions for medication, a neck traction device and a TENS unit. A very nice Zynex representative came to my house two days later with the unit (about the size of a pocket calculator) and showed me how to use it. We discussed whether or not my health insurance would cover the cost of this unit and I asked her how the unit costs. She said "over three thousand dollars."

I nearly fell off my chair. Not a week before this I had asked one of my PT workers how much the big professional grade TENS unit they plug me into costs and was told it went for about six or seven hundred dollars. The little thingie she brought to the house goes for about five times as much! Well, my interest in owning a Zynex IF-8100 TENS unit went from 60 to zero in 4.3 seconds.

After the rep left, I hopped on the internet and googled "IF-8100 compatible." The second listing on the first page went to a site called ripoffreport.com - of course I was drawn there immediately. In short, a consumer reports that he was charged almost $3500 for a TENS unit whereas a compatible unit can be purchased elsewhere for $50.

I searched a number of sites and found all kinds of TENS units for under $100. You have to look hard to find one costing over $1000.

I told my internist about this and he was incensed. He is initiating a complaint against Zynex.

I am wondering why the orthopedic surgeon I consulted sent my prescription to Zynex? Is she getting a referral fee?

Obongo's Shovel Ready Medical Plan For Seniors

H/T to USA Admiral

Mammogram For Mongo!

Ladies, have you scheduled your mammogram?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm?

After seeing these jokes sent by my sister, I'm absultely certain that she is all wigged out on her estrogen replacement therapy. I have to pray for my BIL

No! After seeing these jokes, I am absolutely certain that men designed the current test for breast cancer - the mammogram (it actually sounds like something you'd like to get in the mail, no? Hey cool! I got a mammogram today! Gee! Thanks Mom!) and I'm very glad that women did not design the exam for testicular cancer. Okay, time to delve into my feminine side...

I NEED YOUR HELP!
I'm trying to find out which Wal-Mart sells this mirror!!

How to train for a mammogram...

I had my physical today and... JUST HATE GETTING OLDER!

Ok,now you've had your laugh, so GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMIED!

Nobody needs to know.. It will be your secret!

OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember.

... Breast Cancer Awareness...

Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy!

Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, and even your enemies. Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer.

'A Bit Of Fragrance Always Clings To The Hand That Gives You Roses'

All kidding aside, get all the medical exams you need for all those lovely female parts that we men love to mess around with. Do it now.

Wasting Away In Colonville

I saw this over to Cookie's and decided to rip him off

....AND...fer those of y'all who've ever gone through a Colonoscopy procedure (I have), y'all will not only relate to this funny story, but get a laff or two out of it as well....

This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:...

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenteritis, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!"

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.

You mix two packets of powder together in a one-literplastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, becauseMoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me rollover on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking to up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER ~Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

I had a colonoscopy several years ago and am due for another one. My favorite part of the colon-look-up is when all that compressed air they pump up your butt comes out. You see, they inflate the colon so there is more room for that giant sewer pipe with a camera attached to make a right turn at Minneapolis and take Interstate Rt 90 to your throat.

Once the sewer pipe/camera unit is removed along with some chunks of Minneapolis' sidewalks, there is no need to keep your colon the size of the Holland Tunnel. Nature provides a marvelous venue for the colon's air pressure to equalize with the ambient air pressure outside the colon.

This venue is scientifically known as yer butt hole.

What brings you out of blessful sleep mode is the sound of all that air being equalized by everyone in the Recovery Room. It is called the "Recovery Room" because it is impossible to recover your dignity while your butt is behaving like you spent a week at Bonita's Bountiful Bean Burrito Buffet.

It is like waking up in the midst of Haydn's Sphincter Symphony in C Minor. It is almost impossible to keep the thin sheet covering your scantily clad body from blowing off the guerney. With all those thin white sheets flapping in the breeze, the Recovery Room looks like the French Army on manuvers.

Good Advice

My brother sent me this today. It is a great piece of advice.

STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters.... S.T.R.






STROKE IDENTIFICATION: During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall, she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) .....she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.)


She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die, they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.


It only takes a minute to read this...

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke... totally.

He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.


RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.


Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:


S - Ask the individual to SMILE.

T - Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (coherently) i.e. "It is sunny out today."

R - Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 999/911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.


New Sign of a Stroke ------- Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other , that is also an indication of a stroke.


The reasons for the S -T- R tasks listed above become clearer once you read the following signs of stroke from the American Stroke Association:

1) Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, ar) m or leg, especially on one side of the body
2) Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding
3) Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes
4) Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination
5) Sudden, severe headache with no known cause

Be well.

Cervical Cancer

Yesterday our 20 year old daughter has surgery to remove a small part of her cervix. The doctor is very confident that there are no more lesions. We brought her home and she is up and about but has to take it easy for a week or so. She got scared just before the procedure was performed but the wife and I were there to console and comfort her. We all prayed together in the prep room and remembered that all things are in His control and that He works for our good. We await the results of the biopsy; there were pre-cancerous cells and she had a lot of them..

One thought for our friends out there. The doctor said that there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that any woman should die of cervical cancer. It is easily treatable and is caused by a virus. Women should have pap smear tests on a regular basis to check for the precursors of cervical cancer. Our daughter didn't bother getting an appointment with a GYN until her mother insisted. After this scare she is very glad she did and will religiously follow the doctor's (and ours!) instructions on future tests.

If you have a wife/daughter/niece/friend who does not have periodic testing performed, please please please drag her there and sit on her if you have to. Pap smears are inexpensive, it is crazy not to have this done.