Friday, December 08, 2006

What Are Friends For?

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Open the windows then fart in the car, and apologize.
COP FRIENDS: lock the windows, fart, then turn on the heat and laugh their ass off.
(We used to do this with mace, spray it in a patrol car's a/c vents on a hot night, make your buddy drive with his head hanging out of the window for an hour or so. Lord I hated that.)

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk
COP FRIENDS: Will post 360 degree security so you don’t get caught
(There was plenty of stupid to go around; needless to say I stopped drinking over 25 years ago.)

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
COP FRIENDS: Call your parents drunk as hell and tell them about the fat chick you tried to pick up

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
COP FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...we screwed up...but hey, that was fun as hell!"

COP FRIENDS: Laugh at you and tell you to put on some Vagasil.
(Listen to a cop if he he tells to stay away from a broad! He already caught whatever she was carrying and is still taking pills for it!)

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
COP FRIENDS: Steal each other’s stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone.
COP FRIENDS: Will Low Crawl naked into the room with a camera and hope for the tag team.
(Some cops are pretty strange that way. I never could see that. Three is definately a crowd.)

True story: A cop let himself into his fiancee's apartment a few days before the wedding and found his best man, another cop, in bed with the chick. Almost had a double homicide that night. It is never a good idea to mess with a man who carries a gun for a living. Like I said, plenty of stupid to go around often fueled by booze!

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
COP FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
COP FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you.
(I tried to get into a dispatched bar fight to help a buddy of mine and could barely open the door. The reason being that he was stacking the unconsciousness bodies right behind the door. He hit like a freight train and was built like one.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
COP FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar.
COP FRIENDS: Will man up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come.
COP FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
COP FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Bitch, you better drink the rest of that shit, you know we don't waste. That's alcohol abuse!!!"
(And the downfall of many a cop's marriage.)

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.
COP FRIENDS: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore".
COP FRIENDS: Will say "Okay just one more," and then 2 minutes later, "Okay just one more".
(I remember those nights... sorta)

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
COP FRIENDS: Will knock them the hell out!!

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you "They'd take a bullet for you."
COP FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.

Actually civilian friends are just fine!

No comments: