The Right Reverend Herpes

It seems that the Barack Obama campaign has an infection that just won't go away. As a matter of fact, it is suffering another outbreak right now - a recent eruption of Political Herpes reported by Geoff Earle in the New York Post.

TOLEDO, Ohio - The Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama's fiery ex-pastor, re-emerged yesterday with a crude reference about race and sex in the White House. "This ordinary boy [Obama] just might be the first president in the history of the United States to have a black woman sleeping at 1600 Pennsylvania legally," Wright said, referring to Michelle Obama, in a sermon at the Wheeler Avenue Baptist Church in Houston.

As in many other infections, Political Herpes breaks out when least convenient and is frequently characterized by annoying verbal sores, weeping media blisters and nonsensical analogies.

It was unclear whether Wright was making a reference to prostitution, to old miscegenation laws, or to the history of illicit interracial sex under slavery.

The more severe outbreaks are also often accompanied by unclear discharges that fly out from the anal cavity causing great distress to the suffering political supplicant. This can also be attended by great swelling discourse that accomplishes nothing.

As Obama's longtime minister, Wright married Barack and Michelle, and the couple worshiped at Wright's Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago until Wright's controversial sermons became public knowledge during the campaign.

After first becoming infected with Political Herpes, most campaigns develop symptoms within 2 to 12 days, but it can take days, weeks, months, or even years for any symptoms to appear. The disease can lay dormant for long periods of time until exposed to political ambition. At that point the disease, which inhabits the lower regions of the electorate, will seek media outlets which develop the characteristic oozing verbal sores.

Wright gave an over-the-top press conference that ultimately prompted Obama to leave the church this spring, after Wright blamed the United States for concocting the HIV virus and railed against US imperialism.

Once infected, isolation has not been proven effective in preventing further outbreaks.

The first Political Herpes infection usually lasts for 2 to 3 weeks, but polls can be affected for 1 to 6 weeks. The weeping media blisters eventually dry out and crust over although a tingling sensation may persist amoung the most partisan. When the crusts fall off, the area is usually still extremely partisan and very resistant to non-ideological therapy. There is evidence that many media outlets have low levels of the disease present even when they do not display symptoms.

In recent weeks, Obama has worshipped at various churches in towns on his campaign schedule, as he did at a Lutheran church in Lima, Ohio, yesterday. In sermons that caused the initial uproar when they emerged on video, Wright blamed the United States for the 9/11 attacks and boomed, "God damn America."

The disease is remarkably well adapted for travel and in some political environments it is very contagious. The virus is communicated by long term social intercourse with an infected party.

A vigorous regimen of soothing conservative ointments and balms applied to the affected member is effective in relieving the discomfort of Political Herpes.

Damage Control Aboard The USS Obama

Aboard a US naval vessel, damage control parties swing into action after engaging in hostile actions where the ship takes a hit. Every man is assigned a specific function in order to maintain the vessel's structural integrity and save lives.

On October 12, 2000, damage control was vital to the survival of the missile frigate, USS Cole, after it received a devastating hit while anchored in the Yemeni harbor at Aden. Terrorists had loaded a small craft with explosives and pulled along side the Cole. The explosion killed 17 American sailors and injured 39 others.

In the above photo, notice the gaping hole amidships on the port side at the waterline. After being damaged by the terrorists, the Cole is towed out to sea by fleet ocean tug USNS Catawba where the the Norwegian navy heavy salvage ship MV Blue Marlin (pictured below) awaits to receive her.

The MV Blue Marlin carried the Cole back to the States where she arrived in Pascagoula, Mississippi on December 24, 2000, at the Northrop Grumman Ship Systems repair facility. It required 14 months of work to repair the damage from the explosion. Upon completion of repairs, the Cole left the facility on April 19, 2002, and returned to her home port at Norfolk, Virginia. She is currently deployed in the Middle East off the coast of Lebanon.

Damage control is also a vital component for politicians. Just watching the media brouhaha over the not so Reverend Wright's incontinent remarks is a revelation on how political damage control is achieved. Allow me to draw some possible inferences.

In the photograph above, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright is shown preparing his explosive racist, anti-American remarks at a terrorist training facility known as the Trinity Unity Church of Christ.

In the above photo, the Rev. Wright is shown exploding alongside the USS Obama. Please notice the gaping hole amidships between the USS Obama's ears.

The damage control team aboard the USS Obama went into action immediately after the explosion. Sensing that this was a deep, penetrating hit, the team immediately lightened the vessel for high speed zig-zagging by throwing common sense overboard. This allowed the damaged craft to put distance between itself and further reality-based fusillades by stating that the USS Obama rejects the racist, hate-filled remarks of Rev. Wright.

These claims were made despite the fact that the USS Obama has used the Rev. Wright and his terrorist training facility as a homeport for over twenty years. The Rev. Wright has even served aboard the Obama as a Navigator, providing mentoring and spiritual advice. The USS Obama and crew (Mrs. Obama and children) have also sheltered in this port and donated tens of thousands of dollars towards its maintenance.

Repairs on the USS Obama have yet to be completed as it is still in transit, towed by the mass media salvage craft, the USS Hypocrites.

The Obama's sister ship, the USS Clinton, has remained adrift at sea after shooting itself in the rudder during live fire manuvers. Attempts to restore steering control aboard the USS Clinton by replacing the helmsman have as yet proved meaningless since the Captain of this vessel has long since thrown off her mooring lines, burned her charts and eaten most of her crew.

Because of its previous involvement with the salvage of the Obama, the USS Hypocrites is not able to respond to the stricken USS Clinton as it flounders in the Primary Sea.