Driving While ???

There are just too many distractions for today's drivers. I see young people driving 70 mph staring at their laps because they are texting; I see women applying make up; I even saw a guy shaving. And now this:

A Cincinnati woman was simultaneously masturbating with a sex toy and watching a pornographic video while driving last week, according to cops who arrested her on assorted criminal charges.

Colondra Hamilton, 36, was pulled over last Tuesday evening in a traffic stop triggered when cops noticed she was driving a 2008 Pontiac with overly tinted windows.

That’s when officers noticed that Hamilton’s pants were unbuttoned. And she had a vibrator in her lap. Questioned by cops, Hamilton admitted to engaging in auto erotic manipulation, and revealed that she had also been watching a porno movie that was playing on the laptop of a friend in the passenger seat, according to an Elmwood Place Police Department report.

As a retired cop, I remember that short walk to the driver's door after you pull over a car. You're preparing yourself emotionally and physically for whatever happens. Depending on the situation, as I approached the driver I would sometimes unsnap my holster or even pull my revolver and get ready for whatever. But then again, I never heard a loud buzzing and moaning as I neared the driver's door.

I have no idea how prevalent the use of sex implements is. What are the options? Battery or plug-in or wind up? Plastic or latex? But using them while operating a motor vehicle is certainly not recommended.

Hamilton [...] was booked into the Hamilton County jail on a misdemeanor count of driving with “impaired alertness.” Hamilton was also charged with possession of drug paraphernalia since cops found a “broken piece of crack pipe” in her purse.

I wonder what DVD was being played during this sordid episode? Gives a whole new meaning to the movie, "Driving Miss Daisy." We're following this one at work just to see where it goes; any explanation given by the driver should be very illuminating.

Men Who Stare At First Cousins

There is a problem in Merry Old England that threatens to produce an overwhelming crop of politicians. Muslim men, particularly Pakistanis, are marrying their first cousins. In a 6th century way, this makes sense. What else would you do but ask your uncle if you can marry his daughter since you have no social skills to speak of and meeting an intelligent, attractive female who still has her genitals intact scares the bejesus out of you.

From the Daily News:

Cousin marriages are on the rise in the U.K., putting children at ten times the risk of genetic disorders, reports the Telegraph.

The problem is the most prevalent in Britain’s Pakistani community, where more than half the marriages occur between first cousins.

Cousin marriage also occurs among British Bangladeshis as well as some Middle Eastern and East African communities.

That means that more than half of all Pakistani men in the UK arrange marriages between their own grandchildren. Holy Broken Chromosomes, Batman! What are these people thinking? What are the Brits thinking?

Ann Cryer, a former member of Parliament, faced pushback for attempting to highlight this issue.

"It's a public health issue and we deal with public health issues by raising awareness, by talking about subjects such as obesity, such as drug addiction, such as alcohol," she said.

Such as banging your cousin because you worship a mad prophet who had seventeen wives and enjoyed screwing a nine year old. Good luck with that, Annie.

Karl Rove, You Magnificant Bastard!

I took a screen shot of this official Cuba website after I had Google translate it into English, well Spanglish. This site is called the Truths of Cuba. As well as cigars, the Cubans are now exporting drooling asshattery.

The commies are claiming that the US is testing earthquake weapons and decided to take a shot at Haiti.

I shit you not.

The article goes on to state that:

Since the late 1970s, the U.S. has "made tremendous progress" state of its weapons of earthquakes and, according to these reports, now employs a technology devices using Pulse, Plasma Tesla Electromagnetic and Sonic along with "waves pump shock. The report also compares the U.S. Navy testing of two of these weapons of earthquakes last week, when the test in the Pacific caused an earthquake of magnitude 6.5 hit the area around the town of Eureka, California without causing deaths, but with your proof in the Caribbean and caused the deaths of at least 140,000 innocent.

As the report said, is "more than likely" that the U.S. Navy has had "full knowledge" of the catastrophic damage that this test could have potentially earthquake on Haiti and had pre-positioned their Commander Southern Command Officer, General PK Keen on the island to oversee relief efforts if needed.

As the final outcome of the tests of these weapons by the United States, warns the report, is the United States plan the destruction of Iran through a series of earthquakes designed to topple the current Islamic regime. According to the report, the system experienced by the United States (HAARP) would also create weather anomalies to cause floods, droughts and hurricanes.

[...] The Pentagon said the hospital ship USNS Comfort, which was anchored in Baltimore, began to call the crew to leave for Haiti, although it could be days until the arrival of the vessel. Navy Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs, said the U.S. military was working preparing the emergency response to this desastre. Fraser, Southern Command (SOUTHCOM), said cutter boats States Coast Guard US Navy ships in the region were also sent to offer help but have relief supplies and helicopters limited. The super carrier USS Carl Vinson will be sent to the naval base at Norfolk, Virginia, with a full complement of planes and helicopters arrived in Haiti in the early afternoon of January 14, said Fraser. Additional groups of helicopters would join the Vinson said.

The U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID), already operating in Haiti before the earthquake. President Obama was informed of the earthquake at 5:52 pm on Jan. 12 and asked his staff to ensure that employees of the embassy are safe and to begin preparations to provide the necessary humanitarian aid.

According to Russian reports, the State Department, USAID and the Southern Command of the United States began its work of "humanitarian invasion" by sending at least 10,000 soldiers and contractors, to control now, instead of the UN, Haitian territory after the devastating earthquake experimental.

I guess this is the mother lode for all the Kos kids and their authentic blueprints for a Carl Rove Earthquake Machine O'Doom.

Incredible.

Police Academy

About six or seven years ago I received an offer to train police officers in one of four locations: East Timor, Bosnia, Iraq or Afghanistan. The company, a contractor for the DoD, offered $120,000 a year for this service. As I treasure my testicles, I knew better than to pass this by my wife so I never responded to the offer.

The following video shows what training Iraqi cops can do for your patience and communications skills:



'Nuf said. This soldier is trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

President O'Bowa

Getting his second World "Let Me Stick My Face In Your Ass" Tour off to a rousing start, President O'Bowa first lubricates his tongue in Japan where he slides it up the butt of Emperor Akihito. The dapper Emperor stated that it gave him a "Chris Matthews Tingle" and was surprised that the President could get his tongue into a space that "a greased noodle won't fit." The Royal Family was also grateful that O'Bowa discovered a hitherto unknown colon polyp inside the Emperor.

Encouraged by the tingle and the Emperor's minty fresh bunghole, O'Bowa also did the Empress; a measly 3 on the O'Bowa Ass Licking Index (OALI) because it was "like slurping two chopsticks." O'Bowa then went for the Emperor's famous tight-assed shih tzu but the dog beat him to it and was found licking its own asshole.

O'Bowa will next visit China, where diarrhea induced Long Distance Fecal Squirting is an Olympic sport. Several gross of tongue condoms have been ordered.

Field Sobriety Car Wash

These cops were probably wearing soft body armor but they weren't prepared for the type of ammo this drunken slob was shooting.



Walk the line.
Touch your nose.
Stand on one foot.
Pee on the cop.
Idiot.

Cheating On His Teleprompter

Take a look at Obongo's face.

Obongo's feeling the love - Corzine got all "excited" at the embrace of the POTUS.

Get a room.

The TOTUS can't believe this is happening right in front of her.

Ya Shoulda Paid The Man, Dave

According to the National Enquirer, Dave Letterman has been hit with a $300 million divorce suit by his wife, Regina.

Three Hundred Large.
Ya shoulda paid the guy, Dave.
Fork over two mill now or 150 times that later.
Plus perhaps some kinky, quirky love games might have remained secret.

The ENQUIRER was told the kinky late-night host maintained a fully equipped love nest, likes to play "dress up" - and even had a girlfriend parade around with a set of pom-poms pretending to be a cheerleader.

Gee, mebbe Dave also had dreams of owning a NFL team, heh?

Dave, Dave
He's our man!
If Dave can do it,
Anyone can!

The National Enquirer isn't my journal of record, but they did get the scoop on John Edwards' love child.
I can't ascertain how true this account is, but I'll apply the Dan Rather Standard of Journalistic Integrity: it is so good that it has to be true, no?

Or as McNorman opines:

Dear Dave,

UR SO SCREWED.

Sarah Palin BF


ROTHLMAO!

Fan Mail From Some Flounder

Yesterday some guy named The Shadow left a messy dropping on one of my older posts from last January regarding the outbreak of bubonic plague at a terrorist camp. I described the plague and a little of its history and how it is spread. At the very end, in the very last sentence, I concluded: The Black Death:God's Biological Thermobaric Bomb delivered by the flea, God's F-16.

Here is the response:

The Shadow said... This post is offensive and absurd beyond limit.

Offensive? Soooooo, terrorists training to attack unassuming civilians and you're down with that? What's really ripping your ass is that I attributed the unpleasant deaths of these scum to God, as a form of His retribution against murderous cowards.

God wouldn't need weapons. Not only because God has other means, but also because God is forgiving, even to muslim extremist.

So what's the difference? What other means? If they all died from a STD or from mishandling explosive ordnance or from a meteor or excessive auto eroticism or eaten by a resurrected T. Rex what is the difference? They are dead and good riddance. God forgives those who ask forgiveness, seek His grace and turn away from their evil acts. The Shadow does not understand the simple mechanics of repentance. If you seek forgiveness, you are at a minimum expected to STOP KILLING INNOCENTS.

The difference is, those people are trying to keep their culture, language, religion and way of life, whilst you people are trying to convert the whole globe to your liking.

I don't know what religion you subscribe to, but you are constructing a very fragile argument. Muslim countries do keep their culture, language and religion intact. If there is any movement for change in the countries they control it is because we are no longer in the 7th century.

Many Muslims only grudgingly allow Christians to co-exist. In Pakistan, Muslims kill Christians and have destroyed many of their churches. In Saudi Arabia, Christianity is for all intent and purposes outlawed. In Egypt, they make things difficult for Christians, new Christian churches are not allowed to be constructed.

People in Muslim countries are murdered for converting to Christianity. Muslims are certainly defending their religion and their culture (it is very difficult to separate them) by murdering their own people. But apparently that's okay with you as long as they are also murdering people in non-Muslim countries and saying that it is in self defense.

Islam is weak. It reacts in homicidal fashion to any perceived threat whether it exists or not. The real difference is that Islam is a faith founded by a madman and spread by the sword.

I think muslims are better than you, pseudo-christians. That's because they are willing to die for their beliefs, whilst you are willing to kill for your beliefs.

It's almost as if you slapped this whole irrational comment together so you could tack on the last sentence, itself a meaningless exercise in linguistic double talk bull shit. These terrorists were in training to kill innocent people. They are hiding out in protected camps because what they are doing is deemed illegal in most countries of the world.

Sure, these terrorists are willing to die after they strap on twenty pounds of high explosives and wander into a bus station. Better yet,they are willing to die if an Israeli missile can find them hiding behind a residential structure while they are firing rockets or mortar rounds at an Israeli elementary school.

I am willing to do almost anything, including the taking of life, to protect my family and my community. I am not filled with joy at the prospect of doing so. That is the difference.

What Is It? Huh?

What is with these insane commie bastards and their personality cult/worship of political figures?

In the old USSR you couldn't turn around without tripping over a statue of Lenin or Stalin. Hell, they stuffed Lenin like a maggot filled manicotti and put his slowly rotting carcass in a frozen food display at the Lenin Mausoleum and Convenience Store.

Since then, millions of starving Rooskies have waited in yet another line so they can imagine how good Lenin would look covered with horseradish on a bed of tomatos and lettuce. For more balanced nutrition they'd imagine celery stalks sprouting from his ass.

In the Glorious People's Republic of China, the Ministry of Crappy Billboard Poster Graffiti Art has pasted slightly over eleventy hundred trillion portraits of Chairman Mao on every vertical surface in the nation. There are Chairman Mao recipes, Chairman Mao bicycles, Chairman Mao designer accessories and Chairman Mao garden gnomes.

We are now seeing the same rabid infestation here in America. Ever since Obongo imposed himself on our political landscape, we have been subjected to an ever increasing array of nauseating Obongo poster art, promotional items (thinking about getting some for target practice) and masturbation accoutrements (no linky love here - that is really disturbing).

I credit this marketing frenzy to the the less than ideal mental acuity of Obongo's supporters. As they are driven by emotion they are incapable of objective discernment, therefore they are victimized on many levels by shameless politicians and businessmen.

But I don't recall ever seeing someone else's face imprinted on the blue field of the American flag like this. Quite frankly, it is disturbingly reminiscent of the aforementioned countries where the beliefs of a few were murderously imposed upon millions.

No it is not against the law to do this. It should be, but it isn't. The flag code is not enforceable. It is just another ill advised attempt by a businessman to make a buck off some idiot who thinks Obongo is the answer to his prayers.

Bow Before Obongo

I saw this over to cmblake6's site yesterday and I was floored, stunned when I saw this video.

Spend a minute watching this clip and learn what it means to pray to a clay idol as ancient pagans did.



These simple minded yobs have lost all contact with reality. They have elevated a simple man, albeit charming, well-groomed, incompetent and truth-challenged, to the status of a god. This is idolatry reiminescent of the priests of Baal in 1 Kings chapter 18.

Go ahead and pray to him fools.

Fly The Friendly Skies

I have flown more in the past year (St. Louis a year ago and San Jose last July) than in the previous thirty years. But I think I would seriously consider taking the train if I ever had a flight like this:

Two pilots have been grounded after they allegedly left their cockpit mid-flight to trade punches with crew members in front of stunned passengers.

Severe turbulence broke out on the Air India flight after an air hostess accused the men of sexual harassment.

The 120 passengers watched as the pair left the jet controls to brawl in the aisle with the crew, the Times Of India reported.

As the row escalated the pilots threatened to divert the jet to Pakistan.

I submit the following with apology to Rudyard Kipling:

Tho' the stewardess is pretty,
And the crew done squeezed her titty,
Keep your damn hands on the control stick, Gunga Din!

Thank You Sir May I Have Another

Fox News reports that an Alabama judge is being prosecuted for charges of sodomy, kidnapping, sex abuse, extortion, assault and ethics violations. The trial starts this week in Montgomery. The judge

Herman Thomas had an enviable political record as a black Democrat elected and re-elected in a county overwhelmingly white and increasingly Republican. The respected circuit judge once was the Democratic Party's choice to be the first black federal judge in south Alabama.

Apparently, Hizzoner first started spanking inmates as long ago as 1999 under the pretense of "mentoring" them. He has since graduated to mentoring sessions involving more intimate approaches to behavior modification.

Thomas stepped down from the bench in 2007 after the allegations of paddling surfaced and just ahead of a judicial ethics trial that could have forced him out of office. He was indicted on the more-serious charges this past spring by a Mobile County grand jury. If convicted of the most serious charges — sodomy and kidnapping — he faces from 20 years to life in prison. The oldest incident in the charges dates to 1999, his first year as a circuit judge.

The first public claim against Thomas surfaced in lawsuits filed by an inmate in 2001 in Mobile circuit court and in federal court that claimed the judge offered to help him with his case in return for sex. Both lawsuits were dismissed, and Thomas' reputation remained unblemished.

I imagine he will argue that this was merely an innovative form of plea bargaining.

Letterman Video Confession Yanked

The nine minute Youtube video clip of David Letterman sharing his extortion experience and his penchant for sleeping with his female employees has been yanked for copyright infringement.



But there are tons of Letterman videos still on Youtube. One of the more fascinating ones is the one where the hypocrital Letterman responds to Gov. Palin's complaint about his tasteless jokes targeting her daughter. I refuse to link to it.


Obviously CBS is concerned about Letterman's image (he is after all a "property") and is reluctant to expose their property to further scrutiny. His is a hypocritical piece of shit and if this happened twenty years ago he wold have been yanked from the air so fast that this feet would have flown out between that gap in his teeth.

I do not know whether or not a campaign to boycott his sponsors has begun, but isn;t it interesting that people were screaming that the sponsors of the Glenn Beck program on FNC should pull their ads from his time slot? It appears that what you SAY to the liberals is more offensive than what you DO.

Not that many people read this blog but anyone who believes that Letterman should not be allowed to show his face on public (CBS airs their program over regulated frequencies) should contact his sponsors. This is a list that I garnered from thenewagenda.net that was posted last June:
Aveeno (owned by Johnson & Johnson)
Canon
Charmin (owned by Proctor & Gamble)
Citibank
Downy (also owned by P&G)
Hellman’s
Lexus (owned by Toyota)
Nissan
Rogaine
Ambien CR (from Sanofi Aventis)
bing.com (owned by Microsoft)
Centrum (owned by Wyeth)
Chase
Ford
Hotels.com
Listerine (like Aveno, above, owned by J&J)
Mazda
Old Navy (owned by Gap)
Samsung
T-Mobile

Top 10 Reasons To Believe Dave Letterman Wants To Have Sex With You

#10. Richard Simmons shows up at your home and hands you a business thong to wear to your job interview with Dave Letterman.
#9. During his monologue, Dave Letterman cornholes Paul Shaffer while screaming your name, phone number and address.
#8. During your interview for a CBS Late Show internship, Dave Letterman throws his pants instead of a pencil through the fake window.
#7. During your interview for a CBS Late Show internship, Dave Letterman introduces you to President Clinton as "My New Zipper Blotter".
#6. Dave Letterman sends his mother to your house with a fresh-baked apple pie and a picture of his wife.
#5. During your job interview, Dave Letterman says he wants to knock you up by screwing you on top of third base during a Yankees game .
#4. During your job interview, Dave Letterman says he wants to knock you up by screwing you during a Yankees game on top of Alex Rodriguez.
#3. The name of the company at the top of your pay check changes from "World Wide Pants, Inc." to "Guess What I Have In My Pants For You, Inc."
#2. In his "CBS Mail Bag" spot, Dave Letterman opens your mail and reads his letter threatening to fire you if you don't have sex with him.
#1. In his "Stupid Pet/Human Tricks" spot, Dave Letterman wears a leash and dry humps your leg.


Let's be clear, I do not use Dave Letterman or any other person (celebrity or otherwise) as my moral compass. I have more than enough to do dealing with my own shortfallings and moral lapses. But Letterman makes a living out of exposing and mocking other people's failures in judgement (except liberal democrats of course) and after viewing his late night confession, he doesn't consider having sex with his employees a big deal.
He calls having sex with his employees "creepy" but I don't believe he is all that ashamed by his exploitive acts.

Judge for yourself.
(The footage is no longer available. CBS has yanked Letterman's video for copyright reasons)

He has crossed another line here. Just like his salacious and nasty remarks about Sarah Pallin and her 14 year old daughter, sleeping with people who are dependant upon you for their livelihood and then making jokes about it is beyond the pale.

What is creepy about this video is the jaded, coarse reaction of his audience. What he is talking about is not funny. There is something wrong with him and his audience. When we wonder what is wrong with America, look no further than Dave Letterman and his audience.

Questions

Would some reporter please grab Whoopi Goldberg and ask her just what the hell "rape rape" is? I'd prefer it if you'd grab her by the throat when you do this. Any reporter, anywhere.

Is it like murder murder or robbery robbery or yo yo? Why do all these liberals want him to skate on this?

He gave a 13 year old a alcoholic beverage, Quaaludes and then stuffed himself into every hole she possessed while she struggled to get him off her. In NYS that's Rape 1st degree and Sodomy 1st degree - both Class B Violent Felony offenses each punishable by up to nine years in prison. Then throw on Criminal Sexual Act 1st Degree - another Class B Felony and a whole host of Class A Misdemeanors. That's a max 27 years in state prison.

This is not a minor thing and for so called Hollywood celebs to treat it as such is beyond belief. The only thing I can come up with is that Goldberg gave it up at 12 for a lot less than a trip to a jacuzzi and a few tastes of champagne. So to her it's no big deal - no "rape rape."

Idiot.

Gunga Dan Gets Dissed-Missed

Dan Rather's seventy million dollar lawsuit against ceeBS has been trashed by the NYS Supreme Court. They wouldn't buy into Rather's premise that the lawsuit was so good that it had to be true. Rather will appeal the decision based on a Word Perfect document faxed to him in 1861.

Appetite Suppressant

I saw a short video clip of Tom DeLay dancing to the sixties oldie "Wild Thing" tonight on the O'Really Factor. This must be the DeLay Diet because after viewing that clip I threw up in my mouth and now I cannot eat a thing.

Drooling Anti-Semite Idiot

Jimmy Carter accuses Americans of being racist because they oppose Obongo's attempts to turn this country into a communist shithole.

This drooling anti-semite is practicing what is known as projection, "the unconscious act of denial of a person's own attributes, thoughts, and/or emotions, which are ascribed to the outside world..."

Because he is a racist, Carter denies this attitude in himself and ascribes the same vileness to those he feels threatened by.

For four years this pathetic excuse for a human was one of the most powerful men on the planet.

I wonder if the Democrats will throw themselves into another paroxysm of grief similar to that given for Commodore Buick? Hopefully we will find out real soon.

Great Democratic Orators

GREAT ORATORS OF THE PARTY WHO IS RUNNING OUR COUNTRY

'One man with courage makes a majority.' - Andrew Jackson

'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' - Franklin D. Roosevelt

'The buck stops here.' - Harry S. Truman

'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.' - John F. Kennedy



And now let's hear from today's Democrats...

'It depends what your definition of 'Sex' is?' - Bill Clinton

'That Obama - I would like to cut his NUTS off.' - Jesse Jackson

'Those rumors are false .... I believe in the sanctity of marriage.' - John Edwards

'I invented the Internet' - Al Gore

'The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ASS.' - Joe Biden (2005)

' America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh, what it was once was....uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.' - Barack Obama

'I have campaigned in all 57 states." - Barack Obama (Quoted 2008)

'You don't need God anymore, you have us Democrats.' - Nancy Pelosi (Quoted 2006)

'Paying taxes is voluntary.' - Sen. Harry Reid (Quoted 2008)

'Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he.' - Hillary Clinton (Quoted 1998)

HOW LUCKY CAN WE BE TO HAVE SUCH BRILLIANT MINDS IN CHARGE OF OUR ONCE GREAT COUNTRY?

''Life's tough ....... it's even tougher if you're stupid.'' - John Wayne


H/T to retired cop buddy Al