Thursday, April 03, 2008

The Break Away

The Clinton campaign is out of control.

Billie the Bent One jumped the shark, a whale and the whole continent of Australia with this one as reported in ABC News:

Bill Clinton Says Hillary Tried to Join the Army
9/11 Commission Vice chair Lee Hamilton, a former member of Congress from the Hoosier state, announced that he's backing the lanky Illinoisan.

Possibly to avoid being one-upped on Indiana national security politics, former President Bill Clinton told a crowd in Columbus, Indiana, today that his wife had tried to join the Army.

Listen to an excerpt here.

"I remember when we were young, right out of law school, she went down and tried to join the Army and they said 'Your eyes are so bad, nobody will take you,'" he said, after heralding her record on issues of concern to the military, such as body armor and access to health care.

Something bothers me about the frenetic lying that is going on. True, she is the "Entitled One," and in the Clinton fold there is no one in the visible universe or the invisible spectrum who is more suitable to be the next President.

But what in the world is Bill Clinton doing? Well, yeah, he's lying - but why such unbelievable pap? This sounds like panic mode. Why is he pushing the envelope like this?

Dismiss the notion that he has personal feelings for this woman. I would love for a reporter to keep track of how many times they have slept within a hundred miles of each other much less the same domicile.

Their relationship is more like that of spiders.

After mating with a female spider, which in many species is much larger than the male, the male hightails it to safety before he is seized and sucked dry. Some spiders, I kid you not, have developed break away penises to help them in their quest for survival. The break away penis helps the male:
#1 - get away from the female quickly,
#2 - block other males' access to the female (sorta like a sperm blocker)
#3 - provide a really good sob story when he is trying to get other spiders to buy him a beer.

It appears that Bill made good on #1. Whether or not his manhood accompanied him intact is certainly in doubt right now considering that his outrageous claims are beginning to sound like political suicide.

But that even makes more spidey sense. Research seems to indicate that some male spiders actually offer up their bodies to the female so she can eat him during copulation.

This snacking distraction allowed the sex to last more than twice as long as with non-suicidal males (25 minutes if you’re curious). Since longer sex results in fathering higher proportions of the offspring, this longer sex should result in sacrificial males fathering approximately two times as many children. In addition, virgin females who ate their mate were less likely to accept a second suitor.

This is starting to wierd me out. What hold does Hillary have on this man? Or rather, what threats were employed? What dark secrets does she know?

I think it must involve money or his ability to spend it outside of prison.

What's next on the Bent One's list?
Hillary wrote the Gospel of St. Luke.
Hillary is Mother Theresa's love child.
The 1st Infantry Division actually landed on Hillary Beach on June 6, 1944.
Homer's epic poems were originally called the Iliad and the Hillary.

Come on. Help me out here.

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