More Al-Foolery

In this installment of the Chicago Sun-Times, Al "Screamin' Mad" Gore and his Save the World GlowBull Warmening Circus are taken to task. Global warming tends cool down a bit under cold analysis of the facts.

In his new book, The Assault on Reason, Al Gore pleads, "We must stop tolerating the rejection and distortion of science. We must insist on an end to the cynical use of pseudo-studies known to be false for the purpose of intentionally clouding the public's ability to discern the truth." Gore repeatedly asks that science and reason displace cynical political posturing as the central focus of public discourse.

Science and Reason according to Al Gore's medical dosing cycle is the proper context of course.

Many of the assertions Gore makes in his movie, ''An Inconvenient Truth,'' have been refuted by science, both before and after he made them. Gore can show sincerity in his plea for scientific honesty by publicly acknowledging where science has rebutted his claims.

Winding up for the intellectual smacker pie, one has to ask this question, "What didn't he know and when didn't he know it?" The answer is, "Yes, all the time."

For example, Gore claims that Himalayan glaciers are shrinking and global warming is to blame. Yet the September 2006 issue of the American Meteorological Society's Journal of Climate reported, "Glaciers are growing in the Himalayan Mountains, confounding global warming alarmists who recently claimed the glaciers were shrinking and that global warming was to blame."

Gore claims the snowcap atop Africa's Mt. Kilimanjaro is shrinking and that global warming is to blame. Yet according to the November 23, 2003, issue of Nature magazine, "Although it's tempting to blame the ice loss on global warming, researchers think that deforestation of the mountain's foothills is the more likely culprit.

Without the forests' humidity, previously moisture-laden winds blew dry. No longer replenished with water, the ice is evaporating in the strong equatorial sunshine."

Gore claims global warming is causing more tornadoes. Yet the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change stated in February that there has been no scientific link established between global warming and tornadoes. [Emphasis mine]

This is the deadly "Gore claims ... Yet" formula, known to cause liberal asshats to rend their own flesh in agony before their heads explode. I wish my hemorrhoids were shrinking as fast as Gore claims the glaciers are.

Don't you know we're all going to die in ten years if we don't *insert liberal mantra here* right now this very moment and even then it may be too late??!!??

I kinda derailed my train of thought because for a minute I thought Gore was blaming global warming for causing more tomatoes. I'm okay now. But I really like tomatoes.

Gore claims global warming is causing more frequent and severe hurricanes. However, hurricane expert Chris Landsea published a study on May 1 documenting that hurricane activity is no higher now than in decades past. Hurricane expert William Gray reported just a few days earlier, on April 27, that the number of major hurricanes making landfall on the U.S. Atlantic coast has declined in the past 40 years. Hurricane scientists reported in the April 18 Geophysical Research Letters that global warming enhances wind shear, which will prevent a significant increase in future hurricane activity.

Gore claims global warming is causing an expansion of African deserts. However, the Sept. 16, 2002, issue of New Scientist reports, "Africa's deserts are in 'spectacular' retreat . . . making farming viable again in what were some of the most arid parts of Africa." [Emphasis, again, is contribution to Gore's debacle.]

Gore claims... and misses again. This passage is a variation of the "Gore claims .... Yet" formula. "However", however, is equally devestating.

Gore argues Greenland is in rapid meltdown, and that this threatens to raise sea levels by 20 feet. But according to a 2005 study in the Journal of Glaciology, "the Greenland ice sheet is thinning at the margins and growing inland, with a small overall mass gain." In late 2006, researchers at the Danish Meteorological Institute reported that the past two decades were the coldest for Greenland since the 1910s. [Emphasis, well, you know...]

The "Gore argues .... But" format is the terminal stage. No other contradictory element need be introduced after this. Global Warmening is now in meltdown, but not from the heat. Eventually a lack of oxygen will starve this inconvenient calumniation of science, this distortion of truth, this, this, this... pile of shit.

I dare say the Danes have also incurred the Wrath of Gore for refuting his illogical, inescapable, financially induced, spectacularly inaccurate, cross-my-offsets-and-hope-to-die scientific conclusions. Also know as bold ass lies.

Each of these cases provides an opportunity for Gore to lead by example in his call for an end to the distortion of science. Will he rise to the occasion? Only time will tell.

And ruin his retirement portfolio? Are you crazy?? This carbon offset BS is the sweetest scam Al Gore has managed to pull since his zinc mine was listed as a major environmental polluter.

THE WRATH OF GORE

Yeah, yeah I know. My PhotoShop (free knock off) kung fu is weak... Can any one fix this?