Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Weapons Grade Stupidity

Jonah Goldberg bags himself a trophy on this shot.

RENOWNED metallurgist Rosie O'Donnell proclaimed on TV on Thursday that Sept. 11, 2001, was a more significant date than most of us realized. It was, in her words, "the first time in history that fire has ever melted steel."

This, of course, came as news to steelworkers, blacksmiths, firefighters, manufacturers of samurai swords and other fools who hadn't realized that steel is forged in magic furnaces using dragon breath and pixie dust.

Rosie is also the very first woman to melt latex in an orgasmic furnace. She's working on a portable exhaust hood for those nasty fumes.

"Against stupidity the very gods themselves contend in vain." ~~ Friedrich von Schiller.

Rosie O'Donnell has penetrated the outer Stratosphere of Stupid and is now in High Self Esteem/No Smarts Orbit .

Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest." ~~ Alexandre Dumas

Rosie has generated a veritable Singularity of Stupid, she has traveled over the rim of the Dumb Horizon and into the Realm of Quantum Idiocy.

"I’m talking about weapons-grade stupidity." ~~ Dennis Miller

It may be that Rosie is a Breeder Reactor for Stupid. Lord knows she is thankfully incapable of any other kind of breeding. In the uncharted and unused regions of her mind, blind Dumbtrons grope futilely for a coherent thought, collide and emit heat but no light.

O'Donnell made this and other profoundly stupid comments on the daytime talk show "The View," ABC's update of the ancient practice of women chattering around the village well.

It also redefines the need for the ancient practice of throwing women down a well just to shut them up.

[...] All she knows is that it's "impossible for a building to fall the way it fell without explosives being involved" and that, for the "first time in history, steel was melted by fire." Wink, wink. For the record, fire can melt steel, and buildings also collapse when heat weakens steel. But that misses the point. The point is we shouldn't have to argue with crazy people.

This is not crazy. Crazy people can be medicated and lobotomized. But there is no cure or therapy for stupid. You can't work on or with stupid. It's like whistling up a dead mule's ass. Over time you run out of breath and the mule just smells worse and worse.

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." ~~ Elbert Hubbard.

Rosie has attained a level of stupidity that approaches biblical proportions. Rosie's Letter to the Idiotarians, Chapter 6, verse 13 - 18:

13 "Therefore put on the full Armor of Ignorance, so that when the day of Knowledge comes, you may be able to stick your fingers in your ears and go "La, La La, La, La, I can't hear you! Bush Lied!"

14 Stand firm then, with the Belt of Ridicule buckled around your enormous waist, with the Breastplate of Political Correctness in place,

15 and with your feet reeking with open sores that comes from cramming them in your mouth, over and over and over again.

16 In addition to all this, take up the Shield of Foolishness, with which you can extinguish all the bright lights of the Learned One.

17 Take the Helmet of Agitation and the Sword of Incompetency, which is the word of fecklesssness.

18 And stay on the View for every occasion with all other kinds of idiots and malcontents. With this in mind, be a lard ass buffoon and always keep shouting your lunacy, for all the moonbats doth love it.

"The ugly and the stupid have the best of it in this world. They can sit at their ease and gape at the play. If they know nothing of victory, they are at least spared the knowledge of defeat." ~~ Oscar Wilde

Ugly and Stupid. Rosie is truly twice blessed.

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