Sunday, March 14, 2010

Advances In Science - The Pelosi Particle

Heaviest Element Yet Known to Science Discovered

The Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has now identified with certainty the heaviest element known to science.

The new element, Pelosium (PL), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism. Nevertheless, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will promote many morons to become isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Pelosium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


A big H/T to Charlie The ChiTown Cop.

7 comments:

Fredd said...

I'm just curious as to what happens when a Pelosium core atomic bomb is detonated during the nuclear option: how far would the fall out reach?

Longhaired Conservative said...

ROTFL - Great one!
Linked at MNR
http://mindnumbedrobot.blogspot.com/2010/03/scientists-discover-new-element-pelosi.html
and at
The Resistance
http://the-resistance.posterous.com/scientists-discover-new-element-the-pelosi-pa

sig94 said...

Fredd - the fall out will reach everyone in the US. I think the half life effects will last at least through the next election cycle. Hopefully the fall out is most dangerous to democrats.

sig94 said...

LHC - I saw this and knew it was a keeper. Thanks.

Longhaired Conservative said...

Yep. Hope you got some hits out of it. Good find. I laughed so hard this morning I almost spilled my coffee.

USA_Admiral said...

Best explanation I have heard yet.

sig94 said...

Admiral - it worked for me too.