Sensing danger with his ass all a-tingle, our hero ran to the lavatory (obviously there is no phone booth available on a small commuter jet) and
The FBI is looking into a bizarre and frightening incident aboard a commercial jet heading from Houston to Omaha last Friday involving an unstable passenger.
It began with a middle-aged man leaving the plane's lavatory covered in his own feces.
"Oh, it was awful. It was worse than that."The super hero costume works!! Notice the fear and awe in the voice of this evildoer! This is the last time she'll serve a stale bag of peanuts!
Stacey, from Houston, who asked that we not use her last name, says the small Continental Air Express commuter jet had just one flight attendant in the cabin, a young man who moved the other passengers forward to empty seats and kept the unkempt passenger in the back row.
Our super hero stayed in the area of the plane where danger was most apparent, ready to take on any and all who dared challenge him.
"I hear all of this ruckus and this yelling and I kind of turned around and the poor flight attendant is on his back and the guy is like punching him and I'm like, oh my gosh. It's almost like a scene out of a movie. There were two male passengers behind me that got up and kind of got the guy off of him. The poor steward, he's got a black eye, his eye's swelling. I felt so sorry for him."
Our super hero unleashed a literal shit storm on this evildoer! Using tactics he learned after years of study in turd world countries, Captain Feces wiped up the cabin with the steward.
The U.S. attorney says the man was not arrested, but detained at the airport by authorities until picked up by trained professionals from a care facility in Iowa.
Our intrepid hero, Captain Feces, is now resting at the Super Secret Scatological Sewer of Solitude, a guest of Commodore Commode and The Legion of Excreta.