Amazing Medical Inventions

Former President William Clinton was hospitalized this afternoon; he was admitted to Columbia's New York Presbyterian Hospital after complaining of chest pains.

Taking into account his legendary poor eating habits, doctors realized that ordinary measures would probably be defeated in the long term. Instead, they opted for something different; they inserted two stents of an experimental design into one of the President's coronary arteries.

In the above photo, a crack surgical team prepares the first of two surgical stents to be placed in ex-President Clinton's artery.

Nicknamed the "Bacon Double Cheeseburger Memorial Super Highway," these stents were manufactured for people with an LDL of 750 and over. In the event that Billy Jeff falls off the low chlorestoral wagon, doctors have also prepared a new arterial reaming machine to scour plaque from inside the new stents.

All funny aside - there are 2,976 people who died on September 11, 2001, because in 1996 Billy Jeff refused delivery of Osama Bin Laden from the Sudanese government. The good doctors at New York Presbyterian did exactly as they should, they used their skills to save President Clinton's life. Billy Jeff will face justice one of these days, the doctors only postponed it. And it will be justice far more terrible than whatever we can imagine trapped in our mortal coil.